When you're reading a good personal essay, or even a similarly good tweet or Instagram caption, please be aware that the writer is sharing a moment, they're being *evocative*

They're not trying to be your friend.

You don't actually know someone based on their personal writing!

I had this conversation with another writer recently (you know who you are), and we agreed that in many cases, very few people actually know "the real you" if you are doing a lot of personal writing.

In many of your actual relationships, you have a tendency to withhold.

Or, if you're not withholding, you have a tendency to narrate events a certain way. Because you're always working.

You're like a showgirl. Few people see you without your makeup. Being truly unguarded is not necessarily a habit of yours.

You are a storyteller. That's a *role*

And when you're not playing the role? You are gathering material.

The first half of 2020, for example, was a whirlwind gathering phase for me, in which I pushed my boundaries and learned more about myself and other people than I thought possible.

And no one knows half of it.

OK, not know one. Some of my fellow writers do. A few other people who are close. But the point is, that raw material is not out there. It's like the root. It sits underground.

I am personally very protective of it. You have to be. You can offer only glimpses.

And God help you if you work across genres, if you edit, if you do research. Then it's harder for people to pigeonhole you. They get irritated about that.

Even though in his economy? You are privileged if you have one type of work that allows you to have a roof over your head.

Some people, in the meantime, have a hard time with boundaries.

I had to block a guy (it's almost always a guy) on social media platforms earlier this year, because he would not stop with creepy and intrusive interpretations of my *fiction* that he felt he had to share with me.

"But I'm just interpreting your writing! Because it really forced me to respond!"

Dawg, no. You are crossing a line, and then trying to hold me responsible for your behavior.

Writing is meant to be out there in the world. Interpret at will. *Don't bug the author about it*

I have generally had it up to here with people who tell me things like, "I just feel like I really know your life!" Nope, you do not. Just as I don't know yours based on the craft beers or books you show off on your social media or whatever.

That's FINE. That's part of the fun.

As a side note: I'm grateful for people who are in my life. I like to show them off occasionally too — but not in the ways I used to. Extremely online personal relationships are not for me, not anymore.

I do like sharing how people make me feel, knowing they will see it.

I think it's good to have muses — if that's what you need.

I think muses don't just show up in personal writing, or fiction. We have them as journalists too. The people whose stories inspire us. Horrify us. Both. Obviously, the boundaries are different there, they must be.

Outsiders don't *know* a writer's relationship to her muse. They can only interpret.

A reader engages with the writing. It's what *I* do as a reader, and it's why I don't roll up on David Sedaris and pretend like I fucking know him because I read his work.

Because that's rude.

Anyway, just please be aware that, again, good personal writing, and good writing in general, if it evokes feelings — they can be anger, annoyance, pain, lust, whatever — that means the writer has done her job.

The key word here is "job." Thank you :)