I rarely call out on any relation that hurts me, whether it be a friend or family, I keep tolerating everything for the sake of keeping things calm and normal, I keep filling up and keep forgiving them without them asking for forgiveness but there is always a breaking point 1/

I am no saint, I let out every single thing that ever happened and the results are never good, the other person never gets it and I keep drowning in guilt later on cuz I could’ve “prevented” it, the other person’s reasons were justified, I could’ve waited for a better time

It’s always ends in self blame which falls into place after telling the other person what they did, I’ve always functioned in this way, it’s called survival or maybe a coping mechanism.

I couldn’t care less about random people but God knows I wish I cared less about the ones close, my toxic trait of not telling people about what they do, explaining how they can be wrong
Being an eldest daughter maybe I’m just programmed to thinking that I have to fix everything

and everything is somehow my fault later on wards, I’ve been saving relationships throughout my life while forgetting about how they made me feel, the crippling fear of ending up alone.
I am so tired.