Every day my abandonment issues convince me that everyone I love secretly hates me & has stopped loving me & are gonna leave me & then I read into every interaction and basically beg for reassurance and even when I get it I’m like “that’s what someone who wants to leave would do”

And it’s so absurd because I know I’m loved deep down. But I just cant fathom people actually wanting to be around me or stay so I just assume any slight tone change or a bad day that someone has that it’s my fault and that they are going to leave me

And then I start over correcting and begging for reassurance and then it just backfires because then I tell myself that I’m crazy and annoying for needing them to do it and that they will leave me for needing the reassurance so then I feel even worse

And THEN when I tire myself out of trying to be lovable and caring too much about the thought of someone leaving me. THEN I do something fun where I go completely blank and emotionless to try to have the upper hand and prepare for the fact that everyone will leave me lmao