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See me see goodness this early morning ooo... what will somebody not see in this Lagos.
It’s a thread!
It’s a thread!
As an essential worker, I worked night shift yesterday. As soon as i stepped out of my office complex and a bird dropped a poo on my head, I suspected something unusual was about to happen.
My colleagues whom we were together started hailing me that i should do giveaway for them o. They said that in yoruba land, when a bird poos on your head, it means that money is coming niyen.
Money? Damn! Moti hammer! I was really excited about the “good news”. We’ve barely walked ten steps from that spot when my phone message beeped; I received an alert. 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😨" title="Angstvolles Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Angstvolles Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😳" title="Errötetes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Errötetes Gesicht">.
Wait o! Na jazz?! My colleagues started hailing me; trust me, i started feeling myself too. When i checked my phone, it was NCDC messagehttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤦🏾♂️" title="Mann schlägt sich die Hand vors Gesicht (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann schlägt sich die Hand vors Gesicht (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">. Awon weyrey! I get sanitizer, free me abeg! Na alert i dey expect.
I drove out and headed towards Ikeja under-bridge where I’ll drop my colleagues off and head home. As soon as i dropped them, I saw a little crowd of people waiting for bus so i decided to help them.
If you don’t have nose-mask don’t enter ooo. We will not be unfortunate!
From the size of my car, they knew it wasn’t a taxi; Uncle thank you thank you, they jumped inside!
From the size of my car, they knew it wasn’t a taxi; Uncle thank you thank you, they jumped inside!
A lady in the front, 2 guys and 1 lady at the back. Just before Allen roundabout, the 2guys dropped! Remaining the 2ladies.
I was playing @iamkissdaniel’s KOL’s album in the car, out of nowhere the lady in the front removed by Aux chord and put it in her phone and started playing @Omah_Lay’s Ep.
I was shocked that what audacity but well, it’s still good music. As soon as You started playing, aunty Personalized and was using style to face me singing “I love I love you” . Egbami https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙆🏾♂️" title="Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">, i have carried wrong passenger!
In a quick flash, I remembered my resolve never to offer a stranger a lift again since one lady stole my original iphone charger during the initial lockdown period. O mai God! What is all this.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤧" title="Niesendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Niesendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤦🏾♂️" title="Mann schlägt sich die Hand vors Gesicht (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann schlägt sich die Hand vors Gesicht (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">
I used style to ask, “Please, where are you dropping”... To my shock, she said “Eez still far!” Haaa! Modaranhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙆🏾♂️" title="Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">. It will not be better for the bird that pooed on my head o. Is this the alert i was supposed to receive?
Around Wemco road, the Lady at the back dropped remaining the Lady in the front frustrating my life. I asked again, I will soon turn oo, she said continue... Heey! Continue to where? Ara adugbo e gbami oo https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😢" title="Weinendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Weinendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😨" title="Angstvolles Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Angstvolles Gesicht">
I turned to Rema sharp sharp ...”somebody please save me!!”. My normal route is college road cos i stay in one of the estates there. We were almost at Ogba, Hanty was still jamming Lo Lo Lo.
As i approached excellence hotel, i stopped at the GTBank in front of Waec office pretending that i want to use the bank. Hanty oya come down oo, I wanto enter bank. She said i should go that she will wait. Wait for who?! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😳" title="Errötetes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Errötetes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😨" title="Angstvolles Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Angstvolles Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙆🏾♂️" title="Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">
I lost my cool at that point. I was trying to not raise my voice as a gentleman. Excuse me come down, as if she didn’t hear me, she increased the volume of the song playing on the stereo. Are you ok?! Alaye come down jare, I turned off ignition.
I went to the other side, opened the door! Hanty come down jare! To my shock she responded, “Honku be calming down! Don’t disgrace yourself in public o. I will lock your shirt and shout that you picked me up and refused to pay me”. Haaa! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙆🏾♂️" title="Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)"> Peruzzi nihttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😏" title="Grinsendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Grinsendes Gesicht">. Pay you for what?!https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙄" title="Gesicht mit rollenden Augen" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit rollenden Augen">
See this babe o, Na me you wanto use Lagos for. I started sweating from the inside but i kept my cool. Monkey wise, person wey go catch am sef go so like monkey.
I crossed to the other side. Entered bank, joined the longest queue. I was using style to observe my “guest”, I knew she was observing me too. Person wey wan die don meet who go kill am today!
I started chatting up one of my colleagues that i dropped at Ikeja to update him anout what was happening. I must have been lost in the chat, suddenly i heard behind me “Baby, that machine is free now, go and use that one”. I turned, It was Hanty https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙆🏾♂️" title="Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">
Tani baby e, who is your baby? https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😳" title="Errötetes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Errötetes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😨" title="Angstvolles Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Angstvolles Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😠" title="Wütendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Wütendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😠" title="Wütendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Wütendes Gesicht">. I couldn’t shout there, she gave me a sternful look as if daring me to do any drama. I just smiled back and replied, Ok baby! In my mind, i was singing wyclef’s “911”... https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🎶" title="Mehrere Musiknoten" aria-label="Emoji: Mehrere Musiknoten">I’m in trouble...real big troublehttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🎶" title="Mehrere Musiknoten" aria-label="Emoji: Mehrere Musiknoten"> https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤦🏾♂️" title="Mann schlägt sich die Hand vors Gesicht (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann schlägt sich die Hand vors Gesicht (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">
I went to use the atm, pressed wrong pin twice just to by myself a little more time. I withdrew 3k. As i was about to put it into my breast pocket, Hanty held my hand and smiled, bring it nooww! Bring what?! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😏" title="Grinsendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Grinsendes Gesicht">
I decided to play along... I smiled and replied, Baby noooowwwww. Chill shebi we are going home together? In my mind, the thought alone made me shiver in disgust. You and who is going homehttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤧" title="Niesendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Niesendes Gesicht">
Long and short, we were back in the car. As I approached Excellence hotel, I intentionally stayed in a lane that will obstruct other cars in the other lane. Before i knew it, Lastma don enter my front! Oga, park here!
I parked, went down, quickly went to meet the Lastma guy that I gave the Lady a ride and she doesn’t want to come down again o. The mad man started laughing https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙆🏾♂️" title="Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤧" title="Niesendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Niesendes Gesicht">. He then asked a ridiculous question, “shey e ti do ni?” (Have you had sex with her?)
Do kinni?! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😠" title="Wütendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Wütendes Gesicht"> Doughnut ni https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤦🏾♂️" title="Mann schlägt sich die Hand vors Gesicht (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann schlägt sich die Hand vors Gesicht (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)"> I said I gave someone lift and she has refused to come down. To my shock, I heard behind me “officer what is the issue here?” It was Hanty again https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙆🏾♂️" title="Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">
To my uttermost surprise, the officer replied her, “Madam, this man has committed a traffic offense and we are are going to Tow his vehicle to our office at Ojodu. Tow what?!! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😳" title="Errötetes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Errötetes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😫" title="Müdes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Müdes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙆🏾♂️" title="Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)"> To-To ni https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😠" title="Wütendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Wütendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😠" title="Wütendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Wütendes Gesicht">
Hanty started ranting, “Baby why would you pass this lane nooww”....In my head, abi this one is mad ni, who is your babyhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😤" title="Triumphierendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Triumphierendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😤" title="Triumphierendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Triumphierendes Gesicht">. I’m not your Baby, my Baby is at home! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😤" title="Triumphierendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Triumphierendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😤" title="Triumphierendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Triumphierendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤬" title="Gesicht mit Symbolen über dem Mund" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit Symbolen über dem Mund">
The officer started making calls.... Within 10-15minutes, a Latsma official car pulled over beside us! They asked me and the Lady to enter. He said, “Uncle, you and your sweetheart can sit at the back”.... who is your sweetheart?!! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤨" title="Gesicht mit hochgezogener Augenbraue" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit hochgezogener Augenbraue">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😳" title="Errötetes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Errötetes Gesicht">... It’s as if God want to punish you abi.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">
I complied, I sat at the back of the car. I was boiling and sweating at the same time. I should have been home by now sleeping if I didn’t do “Mr. Nice Guy” https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤬" title="Gesicht mit Symbolen über dem Mund" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit Symbolen über dem Mund">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤬" title="Gesicht mit Symbolen über dem Mund" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit Symbolen über dem Mund">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤬" title="Gesicht mit Symbolen über dem Mund" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit Symbolen über dem Mund">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤦🏾♂️" title="Mann schlägt sich die Hand vors Gesicht (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann schlägt sich die Hand vors Gesicht (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤧" title="Niesendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Niesendes Gesicht">.
I was jolted out of my thoughts by a knock on the windscreen by the Lastma official. “Oga whine down”... I obeyed... “come and show me your vehicle particulars”... I asked, wetin concern Lastma with particulars? https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤷🏾♂️" title="Achselzuckender Mann (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Achselzuckender Mann (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">... I sha obeyed.
As soon as I came down, the Lastma official whispered into my ears. That lady is a Mad woman. We know her very well. Enter your car and speed off! It was as if I didn’t hear well. The guy elbowed me and said Japa!!
As I started the car, I could see the Lady drop from the Lastma car and running towards me. I pressed central lock and zoomed off. Hanty started hurling stones at my car but i was long gone. Jesus! What just happened to me https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😨" title="Angstvolles Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Angstvolles Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙆🏾♂️" title="Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">
I went to turn further down the road so I can turn into my estate road. When I passed by that spot I was held, the Lady was rolling on the floor and hurling stones at every passing car! Modaran! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙆🏾♂️" title="Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Mann gestikuliert „OK“ (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)"> Mo gbe weyrey! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😩" title="Mattes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Mattes Gesicht">(I carried a Mad person)
Funny thing was that she didn’t look any bit of it. I guess it’s a 3hours something because she wasn’t badly dressed like the conventional Mad people roaming the streets.
I’m sha in the car-wash presently.... they are helping me to wash my seats ... infact the whole car. I’m sipping Jweeze and tweeting thishttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Gesicht mit Freudentränen" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit Freudentränen">.
I will share testimony on Sunday!
I will share testimony on Sunday!
Meanwhile, I’m still expecting the Bird-Poo alert!
You can hit my follow button so that when the money enters, You will benefit from the giveaway!https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Gesicht mit Freudentränen" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit Freudentränen">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤣" title="Lachend auf dem Boden rollen" aria-label="Emoji: Lachend auf dem Boden rollen">
Have a great day y’all.
-MC Simbal.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😉" title="Zwinkerndes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Zwinkerndes Gesicht">
You can hit my follow button so that when the money enters, You will benefit from the giveaway!
Have a great day y’all.
-MC Simbal.