So. This is gonna be a long one, because I have been biting it back and gritting my teeth for months. But this is important. I have struggled with this for months, torn on whether to speak up or not. Tonight I'm finally just done.
1/?

@/ Duerespite recently posted a 'casting call' for storytellers. As some of you might remember, I played on and ran games on that channel for a decent amount of time. I am imploring you not to answer that casting call. And I'm first going to speak to you as an AFAB individual 2/?

in TTRPG streaming. It was not a healthy environment to be in, and the specifications of wanting POC and ‘fem’ cast members, is why I don’t feel I can remain silent.
Let's start with the fact that I was friends with Erik first; and that was where the disrespect started
3/?

Erik would misgender me, commonly and routinely, and the excuse was always with how I presented feminine more often. Alongside that was the questioning of my sexuality, which combined with the consistent tone of Erik’s conversations, sincerely led to me doubting myself 4/?

and questioning myself to an extreme degree. He would commonly oversexualize AFAB individuals in conversations, and continued this trend to player characters in the games he was in or would run. The female or AFAB characters in the games run by him were 5/?

often used by him as the storyteller in ways that, looking back, were intensely uncomfortable and fetishizing.
He would push boundaries, when set by myself; in a way that I honestly did not realize until it had already happened, and felt too uncomfortable to then reset; 6/?

or created a setting that honestly I almost felt like I owed him; like saying no was somehow- bad or discrediting him, or something of that like. Like I couldn’t say no, or like I couldn’t disagree. When boundaries were more firmly set, he would often become cold and distant 7/?

which only fueled the feelings of being unable to set them. I look back and feel nothing but discomfort, shame, anger. So much anger. These I will go no further into but- they were not good situations. Erik displayed an incredible amount of arrogance in hyping himself up as a 8/?

storyteller, often to the point of disparaging others in the community, including myself on several occasions. He as a storyteller displayed a total disregard for the feelings or wants of his players, and a lack of care for the safety of players. He railroads players 9/?

into situations, he plays favorites, and will completely change your character without asking if you’re okay with it, from backstory to concept, to the relationships they have with the NPCs in the story. He will oftentimes during gameplay take control of how your character 10/?

character reacts to situations and narratives he has spun, leaving no room for you to disagree, as you’re live when it happens. He commonly disregarded player autonomy in the interest of garnering reaction, and then would continue to blaze forward, regardless of what might 11/?

have just been done. I remember that I had once missed an episode due to real-life circumstances; while I was gone, he killed my character, and then resurrected when I had returned as a more-or-less ‘crystal golem’. When I missed another episode several weeks later, 12/?

he again killed my character, only to resurrect her once again as her original form when I returned. In my very last game on the channel Due Respite, Erik crossed a known line for me in his storytelling, and severely triggered me. He immediately sent a lackluster 13/?

‘I’m sorry’, but I was in a state so distressed that I cut conversation and contact with him until I felt that I could discuss with him what had happened. When I asked him, why the line had been crossed when he had known about it for a decent chunk of 14/?

time, knew why the trigger existed and the trauma behind it he offered me excuses of being caught in ‘storyteller reverie’ as well as simply having ‘too much going on’ as a person in his personal life as the person producing the show we had been playing, and as a storyteller 15/?

who was running multiple stories. When someone agrees to be a storyteller, and chooses to run a channel and do the production work, having ‘too much going on’ is not a viable answer to why you have crossed someone’s lines and triggered them that badly. The episode in which 16/?

which I was triggered, was deleted before even five minutes; this was done without asking me, or even talking with me about it; therefore it cannot be spun as an attempt to ‘protect me’, the individual who was triggered, but it something that I can only look upon as an 17/?

attempt to protect himself, since my reaction was incredibly visible and noticeable. If I had been asked, I wouldn’t have wanted it removed, as up until that point of narrative I had at least felt that the story was somewhat interesting. 18/?

This was never addressed in any sort of official statement or publicly addressed, and instead, swept under the rug as though he was trying to hide it and keep it in-house. There is a total lack of transparency, here, and a lack of respect towards those who played under him. 19/?

Even as I’m writing this, I feel like I’m forgetting things that are important, that should be added, but to sum up; Due Respite is not a safe environment, or even one that is beneficial, creatively or mentally.
20/? - hopefully the end