I prayed and I drank and I wept and I cut and I read my Bible and I got stoned and I begged God and I wanted to change, to stop hurting and grow.

He answered.

I hated what I found in Christian history but eventually it changed things and thus won me. That's why I'm Orthodox.

Psychology, Protestant denoms, Catholicism, even Buddhism didnt help. They never fully explained what was wrong with me, nor did their prescriptions help.

Orthodox Saints from 1st century to 21st described the inner workings of my heart and what to do about it. I tasted and saw.

I think the history adds up to Orthodoxy, but that was never enough to convert me. It was having a depth of insight through the Saints into my own heart, and the tangible, practical teachings that won me. I am here because I want that for everyone... even if they're not Orthodox.

I begged God to kill me many times, while repenting and knowing it was wrong. No one could show me what to do... how to pray... to deal with my brokenness. It was all emotionalism and rationalism. Only the Christian noetic understanding addressed things.

Anyways, I can obviously ramble on, but I am posting this because I know many long for this change, too. I wish the Protestants who'd taught me had searched, but I know God used the suffering for good. The depth they want is available... and it's never needed reformation.