i would like to talk about hard and painful #MeToo experience I had in college that isnt always discussed in media which is the sexual violence gay men perpetuate

in 2017 . @javapeno sexually harassed me at a house party in Laramie’s south side. He made comments about my body, my sexuality and my sexual preferences directly to my face and in front of others including many mutual friends

it was only about 3 minutes of interaction but in that time he classified me into a “tribe” of gay men based on my weight and made broad and offensive assumptions about my sexual identity openly

i did not respond cuz I didnt know what I would say but my friend at the time told me to ignore him which I did. we were all pretty drunk and some of us high on substances at the time, but I have not been able to shake those feelings

i have learned that it is because our bodies experience and memorize this kind of trauma when sexual violence happens to us...while I could feel the negative force , I did not have a name for it until now

some will prolly think that what @javapeno did to me is not sexual misconduct and for a while I agreed, but good things of these years have been to unlearn societys generalizations and to think thoughtfully and validate our past experiences for what they were

in whatever case sexual misconduct is still sexual misconduct, even if it is verbal, physical or virtual it all plays a part on our wellbeing, and yes even if everybody is buzzed

I wish i could go back and tell javaun that that behavior was abusive and to hold him accountable, I wish i knew about UW’s misconduct reporting at the time. those are impossible solutions

what #metoo taught me tho is that my story deserves to be heard even if it is years in the past, my experience also deserves to be validated even tho gay men are not often discussed as abusers in this context

therapy has been good for me to discuss this in private and to help me understand my past events and writing this thread feels like a huge load is floating away....to me that is progress. thank you for listening