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Dear Twitter: I just witnessed a pair of leopard slugs mating and I need to tell you about it. THREAD.
So me and my husband are in the garden when we notice two slugs behaving weirdly, kind of circling each other. We deduce from this that they're probably going to mate, and we stay to watch, because you know, there wasn't much on TV, and perhaps we're closet mollusc voyeurs.
Anyway, these slugs do what must be slug foreplay for ages. They look like they're deciding on the perfect spot. They're picky. Eventually they decide that the most romantic place in the garden is atop a container of plant food.
And this is when things really start happening. They descend on a long mucousy thread and get twiny, sex abseiling if you will. AND THEN
These things come out of their heads. They're blue. We're frantically googling at this stage. It turns out they're their PENISES. They both have giant blue penises and they're coming out of their HEADS.
And so this is going on, and then plot twist: enter slug three. It's making a beeline towards our amorous friends and we're thinking is this a mistake? Does slug three fancy their chances?
It keeps going, and when it reaches the mucus thread, it starts to chomp, our pair of lovebirds oblivious below. Now by this stage we're kind of invested. We're shouting 'Stop, you bastard!' at the intruder. But it carries on.
It carries on and I swear, there was this huge twang that we both physically leapt back from, and the two mating slugs crashed to the floor, giant blue willies akimbo. Satisfied, slug three slithers off, the psycho. We can only assume that it was enacting revenge.
Anyway, that's my tale of leopard slug mating. Honestly the wildest thing I've ever seen in real life.
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