I’m gonna list 100 things that can stay gone after quarantine. Some of these things may not be outside specific, but still can stay gone.

1. Weddings without open bars.

2. Every part of a Graduation that happens before we see our relatives walk the stage.

3. Call and response dirty talk. Do I like this? Yes. Can’t you tell from my stoic silence while I tear it up from the back?

4. Supreme. Just waste our time online. Tired of shoving 14 year olds just to get my hair cut a Legends.

5. The KKK. Truly a huge oversight that we’ve allowed this for so long. Like how are we like, racism has no place in America, but this openly racist organization can organize tho.

6. Missionaries. Another oversight. Like, Chinua Achebe tried warning y’all and we still letting them slide.

7. Clubs that purposely hold up the line to make it look more poppin than it is. So many weak ass clubs need to sued for a false advertisement.

8. Walking while smoking a cigarette. I swear to god it takes everything out of me not to snatch someones neck when they do this. Stop. Let your cigarette smoke ascend to the heavens and away from my face.

9. Selling tacos without horchata.

10. Obligations before noon.

11. That thing where as you exit the theatre you shout talk about a cool moment in the film everyone outside is waiting to see. The fuck you doing, this isn’t a scene transition from a single camera comedy you dork.

12. Getting in line before you know what to order.

13. Catcalling. Shit don’t work bro. Get over your fear of talking to women some other way you fucking dork.

14. Acting all bougie cause I’m asking what you ordered from the next table over. You didn’t cook the shit, why you tryna flex!?

15. Themed parties. I gotta leave my house AND figure out how to justify my outfit. Nah. Leave that shit in the past.

16. Self taped auditions. Look, I know all the benefits, but there’s nothing I hate more than being left to my own devices to decide which take is perfect enough to send.

17. Saying we’ll meet up AT the music festival. That never works! Reception is always bad, so I’ll never see your texts in time.

18. Trying to bang in bar bathrooms. Honestly what probably got us in this pandemic to begin with.

19. In person Magic the Gathering tournaments. I’ve yet to attend one where I didn’t almost punch someone in the face.

20. Arbys. All of em.

21. Making this face when you ask someone to do some shit that’s annoying you. Talmbout some “turn the music down” or “stop hotboxing the burger king bathroom people gotta pee”

22. Bachelor/bachelorette parties at comedy shows.