This is a thread of my boundaries.
This is how I express respect. Telling you where the lines are. Trusting you to observe them. And so we begin.

Boundaries are really important! They are the ways in which you express that this is how close people may stand to you, physically, emotionally, socially, and how much distance you ask of them.

Boundaries are good! Understanding them early in relationships is good! Sometimes they are a negotiation, as between two people. Sometimes they are a line in the proverbial sand, as here where I am telling a large group where my lines are.

Though we are connected in some way, we are not the same person. Boundaries allow us to continue to know where I end and you begin, and that extends to our lives and choices and thoughts and loves.

If you don’t understand where your own boundaries are, take the time to learn. Knowing where you have those boundaries makes it more certain that you’ll come out of any relationship/friendship/etc with your own Self in tact.

Probably the most important is that I talk a lot about my trauma and experiences, and I am not interested in those experiences being gaslit or downplayed. If I am talking about my experiences in these things, do not argue with them.
It it feels like arguing? Back off.

Do not mistake my gentleness for frailty. I am excruciatingly gentle, in many ways. I am not fragile. I may falter, but I will not fail forever. But do not mistake my boundaries for weakness.

I avoid gendered compliments and do not want gendered compliments. I don’t like comments about my body unless I specifically encourage them by talking about that part of my body. Gender essentialism and bioessentialism can fuck right off.

Refer to my (top) pinned flirting thread on my methods for flirting, but basically: - I don’t flirt with people who don’t flirt back - I don’t do sexual flirting unless we both agree to it - My DMs are open, I welcome conversation starters - Ask before sending me body pictures.

Do not assume my partners do not know about my relationships or flirting.

I like flirting a lot! I like sexy flirting a lot! I do not owe either one to any person, so if you feel like I’m not into it, either check in or accept that maybe I am changing the subject. (For example, I usually change the subject if we start talking about fluids)

CW: Ableism I will gently redirect your language in any of my threads if you use ableist language (good examples, using l*me, cr*zy, etc) but if you use it on your own I’m not going to follow you. Don't come here anti-self-dx or throwing around your own armchair dx for others.

Likewise I'm not here for gatekeeping someone else’s queerness. All flavors of queer are welcome here, including but not limited to bi, pan, nonbinary, genderqueer, agender, genderfluid, binary trans, intersex, ace, aro, etc. I will guard you with my giant umbrella shield.

CW: Ableism do not tell me that if I do <xyz> I will solve my CPTSD or anxiety related chronic pain. Do not suggest alternative pain solutions unless I ask. Do NOT come into my mentions complaining about other peoples’ methods.

Do not tag me into big threads by other people if you’re just trying to show me something. Quote tweet it and tag me in that. I don’t want to be involved in dragging someone into a thread.

Do not tag me into anything that is “women creators” or “women and nonbinary” folks. It is exhausting to do the work of explaining that people need to use phrases like “marginalized genders” or just explicitly “trans and nonbinary” to include me without making assumptions.

DO NOT CALL ME ANY VARIANT ON MAN/WOMAN.
Not dude, not guy, not girl, not woman, not the pronouns, not the slang terms.

Do not tag me into a thread to help you with a fight without explicitly asking me first. Don’t pull me into political conversations unless I started them or commented on your thread.

I don’t tolerate food shaming on my own threads, and I mute or unfollow over diet talk. I know some people feel like they need to, but there’s too much food anxiety in my life already. I am, however, OK with discussing food anxiety and stuff like that. Fatphobia can gtfo.

We can get to know each other! But we don’t already, probably. Likewise, I talk constantly about making and doing things for people (letters, poetry, jam, microfiction), but talking about those things does not entitle anyone to them. Please ask first.

For fuck’s sake please don’t assume I am infallible. I don’t want to be on a pedestal (a stage is OK, though).

I love basically all animals (they’re all cute, just like all pokemon are cute) and I have zero interest in animal abuse stories, extensive discourse about meat, etc. Don’t put them in my mentions.

Don’t tell me not to curse. Just. Do not do it. I can fucking curse if I want to.

I try to be very aware, but if I use a term or word that’s harmful to a marginalized group, I want to know about it! Likewise, I will report and block anyone exhibiting bigotry (especially across racist/queerphobic/ableist/antisemitic or anti muslim lines)

Don’t send screenshots of my social media posts to my ex wife. Why do I even have to say this?

I'm #exvangelical, so very likely to mute anyone who talks about Christian church too much for my comfort. And I will brook absolutely no conversation around "reconciliation" with my abusive family of origin.

Likewise, children don't owe parents fealty. They don't deserve abuse, physically or emotionally. I'll block anyone who is even on the fence about this shit. Keep it away from me.

As mentioned above, I'm polyamorous. I love more than one person at a time, in more than one way. Don't treat my flirting or affection as me straying. It's not for you to govern my romantic actions. Don't act out jealousy on behalf of my partners.

I also don't engage in performative jealousy, so don't expect to get me to act jealous.
Except maybe about delicious foods.

I post a lot of threads about my experiences. Do not hijack those threads to talk about your unrelated experiences. If you can't tell if I'm inviting stories, then err on the side of not treating me like a therapist.

Yes, I am your internet crush. No, that does not mean I automatically want to date you. I've written about how no one owes reciprocation, and that includes me. Ask me, if you're interested! That's how we do consent!

I know it's universal that a parent on the internet does Not Want Advice but y'all I raised four of my five siblings and now have 7 kids in my care. I've also had dozens of cats in my lifetime. I do not want advice unless I ask for it. I'm just expressing my experiences.

Especially do NOT tell me how to punish my kids or shame my pets or any of that shit!

This should be something that doesn't need saying... But don't get close to my friends or partners to get in close with me. I'm *right here* Especially don't do that behind closed doors. It's really trauma-tripping to me and reminds me of stalkers I've had.

These are not my only boundaries. If we’re in a relationship, these will look different.
But it’s important to be good to yourself and to others, friends.