Read on Twitter
This is an eating disorder rant. TW.
I am seeing so many pro Ana accounts and young teens throwing around anorexia like it's going out of fashion. Let me tell you what will happen to you in the next 10 years of your life.
I am seeing so many pro Ana accounts and young teens throwing around anorexia like it's going out of fashion. Let me tell you what will happen to you in the next 10 years of your life.
First, your diet is working. People start telling you you look amazing. The compliments are rolling in. This is great! You think you have everyone fooled. You think you're in control. Maybe you are. Right now. But wait. Wait until the addiction takes hold.
Next you find yourself getting slower. Physically you're expecting it, but mentally your short term memory just isn't what it used to be. You find you walk into a room and forget why you're there just a little more frequently. You put it down to sleep. It's not sleep related.
Next thing you find yourself skipping entire meals because you don't have time. You do. You cut out foods because they don't agree with you. They do. They're just higher cal. You still think you have control. You've already lost it to your disorder.
Have you noticed the voice yet? That one is your head telling you to wait just a bit longer, eat just a little less because you don't need that many calories a day? Have you started thinking nutritionists are lying yet? It's coming, don't worry.
Let's go forward a couple of years. You're breathless, tired beyond belief that is never cured with rest, your emotional responses are out of whack. Your friends stopped inviting you places a long time ago because they eat out and you always have an excuse.
You're probably thinking "I'll just go for drinks I won't ditch my friends" nope. The calories in the drinks is too overwhelming. The fear of the risk of maybe having to eat wins out every time. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
You'll start to fight with people. You'll fight with your BFF, your partner, your parents because the disorder tells you you're not sick. You're just dieting. They don't understand. Then you start cutting out the people who care most because they challenge your disorder
You notice your joints hurt. Your knees ache going up any kind of step. Your hands hurt when you type. And what is this? Irritable bowel? You betcha! Bet you didn't know your body could unlearn how to digest food? Remember the voice? Has it started mimicking your own yet?
Let's go to year 10. Your ED is now chronic. Your ED behaviours are now a part of you to the point where you can't tell what's the ED and what is you. You have little short term memory and few friends. You'll most likely be suicidal due to the voice telling you you're worthless
You can forget exercise. Anything strenuous hurts your heart. Your muscles have probably atrophied multiple times. You bruise constantly. You can leave your finger imprints in your own arm thanks to fluid retention. You're probably dealing with severe stomach and reproductive
Issues. If you still have a period, it will be wildly irregular. Your body right now will never support a healthy pregnancy if you're even still ovulating. That ED voice? It's now identical to your own.
Year 11 - here I am now. 26 with few, if any, friends, a voice in my head that wants to kill me every second of the day, organ damage and the knees and bones of someone 20 years older than me. I hold habits I cannot break. My ED rules every single aspect of my life, even recovery
I wish someone stopped me. I wish someone told me what was in store. I wish someone explained the IRREPARABLE damage I would do to myself. There are NO exceptions. No ED is healthy. No ED is under control. The disorder is lying to you. You will never be sick enough.
Your disorder won't give you permission to get help. You need to be brave now, tell the voice to go fuck itself. Tell on yourself. Tell someone, anyone, you just need to break that silence because it's keeping you stuck. When the voice says one thing, you need to do the opposite
This was much longer and angrier than I expected but this is what happens when you lie to yourself and everyone. An eating disorder isn't glamorous. It's just a long drawn out suicide. This disorder WILL kill you. If you think anything here applies to you, please talk to your gp
For any help on recovery, talking to doctors, talking to family or general support I am always available.
