On the beach in Hastings.
Two teenage lads are standing in the shallows, drinking cans of lager and trying to persuade a girl into having a threesome with them.
I feel like shouting, “lads, it’s okay. Just screw each other. You obviously want to.”

She says she isn’t sure.
“What’s the matter?” says one lad. “Are you a lesbian?”
The irony of this is clearly lost on him.

Lead lad is wearing a white bead crucifix to emphasise his tan. Gay.

Lead lad is called Max and has the swagger and profile of a young Tom Cruise. He’s also clearly quite drunk.

Girls have removed their sunglasses to reveal full eye makeup with massive false eyelashes! In this heat!

Max and his mate are now play fighting in the water and adjusting each other’s hair. Bless!

They’ll be bumming by September.