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I have witnessed people asking why a person would stay in an abusive relationship- and although there are many reasons that would keep a person in that situation- I would like to explain in my own experience a few of the reasons. This won't be an exhaustive list but it may lend
Some insight for those who just haven't been aware. I am not a professional so this isn't a diagnosis or an assessment and before anyone tries to correct me for not representing their lived experience I would again say- this is mine.
I wholly encourage anyone who has their own
I wholly encourage anyone who has their own
Experience they want represented to speak on it if they are comfortable. Not everyone is in that place in their life- nor is it required they ever speak about it- I just want to be clear that if you choose to- you have my support.
First thing to be very clear about- abusers
First thing to be very clear about- abusers
Rarely abuse someone immediately. Its so rare that a woman would go on a first date with a man and he puts hands on her and she goes back- most abuse will start subtly. Its like testing the waters- pushing the boundaries to see what they can get away with. So it's not immediate
Or all at once. Often times the abuse begins as mental and emotional- the person will start off with jabs at their target's confidence, they may try to change the way the woman dresses, speaks, down to her very thoughts. Its about control and coercion. The abuser often times will
Have started off charming and endearing- they use that as a means to convince the target that this lashing out is an accident- it won't happen again- and the targeted person often tells themselves they just want it to go back to how it was in the beginning. At times they are told
If they only complied- it could go back to the good times. If only they would stop being *fill in whatever negative thing* then the abuser could stop being angry. The abuser convinces the target that they are simply reacting to the bad things the target is doing.
The abuser will
The abuser will
Also isolate their target. Sometimes its a matter of telling the target they can't see their family and friends or they will make it so uncomfortable for them that the target will slowly withdraw to keep the peace and hide the abusers oddities/abuse. Excuses will be made to keep
Up appearances of all being well.
This leads to a disbelief if the target ever speaks out. After all the abuser often times has been charming to everyone else- and the target has done some of the work to explain away anything that may have been noticed- so now that the target
This leads to a disbelief if the target ever speaks out. After all the abuser often times has been charming to everyone else- and the target has done some of the work to explain away anything that may have been noticed- so now that the target
Wants to leave- they feel alone. Friends they could have turned to may not be there because again- isolation was a factor.
The most dangerous time for someone who has been abused is when they try to leave the abuser. This is a fact. Often times the first attempt to leave fails
The most dangerous time for someone who has been abused is when they try to leave the abuser. This is a fact. Often times the first attempt to leave fails
For one reason or another- and that's if they get a chance to try and leave- throw finances, lack of family and friend support and shared children into the mix and it may very well become a legal battle to escape.
Abusers will use any and all means to keep the abused person in
Abusers will use any and all means to keep the abused person in
Their sphere. Its all too easy to say "just leave" but the truth is- its not cut and dry. Combine that with a love for the abuser. A memory of how good things were before they became bad. Promises that they can start fresh and the abuse will stop.
There's so many more reasons
There's so many more reasons
Why a person won't just leave- but ask yourself- if you were in that situation and someone was putting the onus of escape and healing on you- while simultaneously ignoring the actions of the abuser- you can understand how it can feel impossible.
Women leaving a situation like
Women leaving a situation like
That often times aren't believed, the abuser will have support and the woman is painted as a bitter lady who is keeping his children from him etc.
There are too many cases of men harming the children to get back at the woman for any person to be wholly comfortable with just
There are too many cases of men harming the children to get back at the woman for any person to be wholly comfortable with just
Leaving and having no support- restraining orders are just paper- the law fails victims constantly.
I hope this thread helps clear up some confusion.
I hope this thread helps clear up some confusion.
