Read on Twitter
On Twitter, I'm not popular and no one really reads what I write or post. Which is fine and is probably a good place for me to work through stuff over the next year as I work towards my MFA and get my thesis paintings together. On here and online I see people try to destroy(1/10)
others and either maliciously or carelessly transgress upon their autonomy or dignity. It's to the extent that I wonder if my work as an artist has any relevance or importance in this age where anger and/or apathy has seemingly taken over. If you've dealt with severe (2/10)
depression for as long as I have - since I was 6 and I'm 43 now - it bears down on you in ways you cannot fathom. It scares you to try and stand out - to want better for yourself. Individuality is not the enemy. Anything good can be used as a weapon. I learned early in life(3/10)
a simple truth - a way of being - to endeavor to be "as strong as Hell but as kind as Christ". I think that is the difference. But I fear a lot. I'm not brave or strong. Innate stubbornness - it's probably what has kept me alive. Darkness has stalked me for decades. It's (4/10)
always there. So I run from it - I outwork the problems. I wrestle, sweat like crazy and work like a madman to keep strong enough to outwork bad old things and be better. I make paintings because it's the best way I can make sense of my place in the universe and to learn (5/10)
truths I could never be told. I play ice hockey to remind myself that I was once a shaggy, skinny, blond kid full of smiles, chirps and hope. Anything to keep away the darkness. And this year, it seems like its everywhere. That's where the real oppression is to me. It (6/10)
exists to constantly tell me that I'm nothing. I am individual. Not because I want to be superior anyone or have power over others. And NOT because I don't care deeply for others. I'm an individual because it's keeping me alive and running from darkness. I couldn't make in (7/10)
this world if I thought otherwise. I plan on writing a lot more of thoughts like these on here after going through 40 years of constantly beating on myself and trying to find ways to make my life have some sort of meaning. I apologize in advance if you read these and they (8/10)
come across as exercises in vanity. Not at all my intention. But I have a lot of things to work through at this moment to get to where I would like to be. So, I hope you'll allow me this indulgence. The picture below is me, sweating heavily after a hard workout. It feels (9/10)
like the most "me" picture I have. Apologies in advance if these things sound like rambling.
Also, I want to add people that have been my friend, kind to me, those who are kind to others, always make me laugh or are people who are just good souls: @sandbaked @om_eye_goodness @Wishes_She_Was @asianmegan (Go O's!) @cvaldary @just_carbs @AuntCunt @GawdOffalTweets
I'll add more later. I'm old and sleepy.
