Here's the video. It's two hours long. She talks a lot about her trauma. She also talks about changes her mother has made and how she is proud of the changes her mom has made

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CDtmIU9gdwp 

She really goes into how her daddy ain't shit and wasn't in her life. Which, this post on her IG also alludes to

https://www.instagram.com/p/CBtUl4aAMxC/ 

She also said that her brother, Zion, got the worst of hit cause her mother used to take her frustrations with Rohan out on him.

She says she doesn't hate her parents; she just wishes they had done differently. She thinks they still haven't healed their own trauma but they are encouraging her to heal hers. She considers that hypocritical.

Like, it's A LOT.

I wish healing for everyone. It's not easy. Reconciliation is hard when you don't know where to start.

My parents weren't perfect. They did the best with the skills and knowledge they had, I guess.

My mom and I have come to a place of understanding. There are still some things I cannot discuss with her about my childhood, and I don't force them all her because that doesn't provide healing for ANYONE, not even me.

I've learned to meet her where she is, and we enjoy our relationship that way. I want to enjoy my mama and not resent her, and because of that, I deal with my trauma in therapy, and I encourage her to deal with hers as well.

I think it's important for people to be able to unpack their shit, and as hard as it was to watch Selah's video, I'm glad she is in a space where she can talk about it and create some healing for herself. That's important.

A lot of us will never get the "apology" we might be seeking from our parents, and that's OK too. Sometimes you have to accept the apology that you will never get. It's part of forgiveness.

The older I get, the more I am able to see the simple humanity in people and realize that we all aren't at the same point on the journey, AND THAT IS OK TOO.

Again, meet people where they are. If they catch up, fine, but if they don't? If you still love and value them (as in a parent) and you want to have an active relationship, then it's up to you to unpack your own trauma and find ways to heal it that don't involve them.

Believe me when I tell you it's possible. And you will be better for it. I promise.

The other side of this is the fact that relationships between Black mothers and their daughters are often fraught with generational trauma. I know my mother misses her mama, but I also know my granny was abusive to her when she was younger. That shit carries.

And so my mama had to find her place too, and meet her mama where she was at. These things don't happen in a vacuum. There are usually generations of trauma behind that.

So you have a choice. You can continue the generational trauma, or you can attempt to mitigate by attempting to heal yourself — not other people.

A lot of people have a desire to see someone "fixed." That's not always going to happen, and even if it does, you may not be there to see it. So then what? You just gonna sit on your feelings? That's not healthy.

When I decided to start therapy, I had a list of goals in mind. I had a list of shit I wanted to unpack because I was tired of carrying those bags with me year after year. It was exhausting.

It does not escape me that the more I was able to let go, the easier it was to do shit like drop 100 pounds etc. We carry the weight of our trauma in different ways, including physically.

We carry it in our attitudes, in the way we deal with others, etc. I did not and do not want to be the kind of person who acts out my trauma on other people. That's not healthy for anyone, least of all me.

Life is lighter for me now. Things really keep happening the way I want them to. I know it's because I constantly work on me without worrying about if other people are working on themselves.

And that just works out better for me. Your mileage may vary.

Again, I hope you find the healing you seek. WE ALL DESERVE.

I am not an expert on any of this shit. I am just a woman who grew up in an imperfect family, grew up with a lot of baggage and after the age of 40 decided to start getting rid of that shit. I am who I am because of it, but it doesn't define me if that makes sense.

Oh, not for nothing, but I found my therapist on Therapy For Black Girls. I feel very blessed to have her. Also noting that a lot of insurance companies are currently covering the copay for mental health visits, so your therapy may not even cost you anything.