I genuinely want to understand the line that gets drawn about friends and sex.

I think it’s always taken as “you’re fucking your bestie” and that’s not the case.

"Friend" is as expansive of a relationship identifier as the term “relationship” itself.

And I think that if people spent more time becoming friends with people they had sex with, i.e. liking the people with whom you spent intimate time, we’d all have healthier relationships. Sexual, nonsexual, with varying degrees of intimacy etc.

People think they’re not intimate with their friends and it’s like, if you’ve cried with a friend, if you’ve sat on the couch and been comfortable being quiet with each other, if you know what foods they like and their brand of humor, that’s all intimacy baby.

And having sex with someone purely because you want to have sex and find them attractive can be completely devoid of intimacy. It can also be very fucking intimate. But all of that happens independent of levels of freindship.

I ABSOLUTELY get having boundaries. I, personally, just think it’s probably more accurate to say that those boundaries are applied as needed - instead of saying I don’t have sex with friends. Because truth is - we all do. Or your relationships have suffered because you don’t.

I have to read more to articulate better, but this is something that I’m committed to. I want Black queer people (that want to) to have healthier, more fulfilling, wider-ranging, longer lasting relationships.

So i’m prolly gonna interrogate every take on this (that makes sense) in hopes of helping people better understand what’s meant and put into practice, vs what’s assumed or misunderstood.

Anyway, the most mportant take away is stop investing in people you don’t like.

That doesn’t mean don’t fuck them. Fuck who you want. Have fun.

But investing in people we don’t like, or who don’t like us, is what keeps us posting drake lyrics on IG @ 2am.