Tw // suicide

A lot of things keep me up at night. But there's this one thing, it's the main thing that keeps me up. I lost my dad at a young age, I was 8 years old. I lost him to suicide. I came back one day from school, and was out playing with some of my friends when I was

Brought home and my mother told the news. It broke me. And yes this is something that keeps me up at night. But something that adds to it is that, I never went to his funeral. I was given the option by my mother on whether I wanted to go or not. And, I know this sounds

Dumb, but I'm kinda mad that my mother gave me a choice. I was young and didn't really understand that my dad was gone. I still thought I was gonna see him. That one day he was gonna return. I was a kid who loved school and thought my dad was gonna return. So I chose not to go.

And I hate myself so much for not going. I didn't get any closure. I didn't know it was gonna happen. I never got to say goodbye to him. And it sucks. And I really really hate myself for not going. I know I was a kid and I didn't know any better. But OMG it was such a dumb choice

If I could have the option again. I'd take it. I kick myself everyday and every night for not going. I'm not trying to get attention for this. I just had to get it off my chest. I'll probably delete this thread when I wake up tomorrow