If it’s Kamala, please spare a thought for all of us who will now be shamed at Indian family reunions for being neither doctors nor engineers nor even vice-presidential nominees.

Anand, beta, how is your “newsletter” coming? Must be nice not having real responsibilities. But it’s no fault of yours, because what more could be expected of a history major? If I get sick, I guess you can tell me the history of my ailment.

Me: Uncle, can you pass me the chicken?

Uncle: Of course I can, because you’re right here in front of me, not in the White House, as vice president.

Me: How are you feeling?

Relative: 50-50.

Me: Oh no. Anything I can do?

Relative: Well, if you had bothered to become vice president, you could break the tie.