If you chose Pile 3 with the Obsidian, this is your spread

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Those who chose this pile are smarter than they let on. They're able to understand outcomes and what they need to do to move towards those outcomes. The only thing that holds them back is the pain they have yet to process.

I know some of you may ask yourself, "What now?" And you may not have the answer. And not having the answers is something that causes you to feel uncomfortable. You can be sure about something and then doubt it all.

You aren't what happened to you. You aren't anything someone said to you. These memories that we can't help but remember are still so clear within your mind. Some of you may feel trapped by these memories, like bullets, they are so deep.

The people who choose this deck are able to do what they what, but isn't that the most damning position of all? There are so many reasons as to why you may feel like you can't or that you shouldn't.

There are positions you refuse to put yourself in, for some of you—These are positions you refuse to put yourself in again. These are the assured things you affirm and promise to yourself, "I won't do that," "I cannot do that." You are right and seeing so clearly.

For some of you, you are processing the before, for others, you are not and you have to. It's in your best interest to be kind to yourself when you recall that others have not been kind to you. In order to understand a wound, you must know how it is inflicted.

"later that night,
I held an atlas in my lap,
ran my fingers across the whole world,
and whispered
where does it hurt?

it answered,
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere."

— @warsan_shire

The most challenging thing about this spread is the truth and how you choose to tell it to yourself. What does your inner monologue sound like? Do your blame yourself for something that was beyond your control? Do you feel like you could've done more? Better? Shame swallows you.

When it comes to power dynamics, you want all the answers—Understand that you have the power here. Yes, you have been burned, sliced open, and while scar tissue holds a phantom pain, while skin is regenerative, do you understand that you are, too?

You are on a journey to be the most assertive version of yourself, someone who senses the bullshit and wants no parts, a journey of breaking bad habits—

"I don't want to be the one the battles always choose, 'cause inside, I realize that I'm the one confused,"

—Breaking the Habit, Linkin Park

(RIP Chester Bennington, Aries Sun)

There is just a powerful awareness coming up from inside of you. It can be overwhelming, claustrophobic and even distracting—You have to give yourself the space and the time from everything you were before, everything that is painfully familiar. But first, you must face it.

Some of you don't know it, but you have a backbone of steel. You walk your talk. You correct your mistakes. You make every move with purpose. You push past all limits, find a way somehow. You are everything yet nothing of the negative things you believe yourself to be.

"I've been watching, I've been waiting
In the shadows for my time,
I've been searching, I've been living
for tomorrows all my life,"

—In the Shadows, The Rasmus

I honestly think people who chose this deck violently underestimate themselves. Where you search for those reasons to, "Why?" Understand the answer is because they wanted to, because they felt like they could. You know this.

For those it may apply to,

"I will find a way without you,"

—Seven Years, Saosin

It is your eyes that see too clear. Trust that. All the angst and despair you feel. It is temporary, despite all the things you cannot understand right now. Within a year or a year from now, you will be amplified, larger than life. Think about how fast this year went.

You are very unlikely to return to the life you had before. Highly unlikely. Your heart still aches, for some this is a dull pain, for others, it is sharp and hot.

Healing is not linear and for that, you should not torture yourself with the questions you ask, the closure you know you will not get, the shame that feels like venom. It has to come out.

Instead ask yourself, "Who do I want to be?"

Because you can be that person. A vessel for truth, the mixture of the King of Wands and the King of Swords. It is you that owns your truth over the next year. You do not let it own you.

As I'm writing this pile, I'm thinking of Arya from Game of Thrones and listening to Faces In Disguise by Sunny Day Real Estate.

"Go face the day,
Go and see new things,
Go face the day,
But you'll remember me,"

And doors are closing, only for new doors to open.

The before and after is so different for those who picked this pile. You should be confident. Sometimes it takes knowing what you don't want to get exactly what you want.

A new lease on life.

Where you were once in a desert—Everything is lush.

That is your life in a year.

It's going to take one sign that you can't possibly miss. It reminds me of a neon sign in the dark, for some of you, this is an exit sign—Expanding on the exit sign, for some of you, this is a person.

All I can think of for the duration between your before and after is

"I'm fighting for my soul, Constantine,
And it's slowly burning, it was never cheap,
If you seen what I seen, you wouldn't sleep,
I can't sleep,"

—Escape From LA, The Weeknd

For your oracle cards, you have Blue Calcite. It's time to emotionally process all truths, all the ways you feel, all the grief. Cutting or burning pictures, it is time for you to start a deep releasing process. Purging is painful.

It is time for you to make space for what it is that you want from this life. All of it was unwarranted. So think about who you were, who you want to be, what you did, where you've been, and where you want to go.

You're cut from a different cloth.

It's time to move like it.

Your next card is Jasper. How can you create solid foundations for yourself? How can you loosen your grip on the past to embrace the new? How can you calm the noise in your head in ways that don't harm yourself? It's time to implement a routine, one that keeps you present.

The word "repair," comes to mind as I look at the Jasper card. Make sure you're not trying to fix yourself to appease to anybody but yourself.

You cannot live your life through the eyes of others. You must see through yours.

Tourmalined Quartz is Quartz ingrained with one of my favorite crystals, Black Tourmaline. And yeah, I've dissed it before, but I take it back! You have such an intense power to alchemize negative experiences, make something out of nothing.

I also think of the words, "safety," and "sanctuary." For some of you it would be helpful to write what makes you feel safe and what makes you not feel safe. I think that's what you are craving. Safety. Trust with Blue Calcite. Stability with Jasper. You will have it.

Allow yourself moments of weakness. Seek those who would hold space for you without pulling any strings or wanting anything from you. I know it has been hard for you. I know you don't feel strong. I know that nobody can hold it together all the time. You should know this, too.

Allow yourself the same courtesy that you would for your loved ones. Seek deeper meaning. Speak up. You will be listened to. Embraced. Supported. It is the bare minimum of what you deserve after everything.

I hope this made you understand what you're fighting for and see you next time! Thanks for being patient and stay prayed up!

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