You know what I'd love right now, is a good fancy reception. Help me invent one.

I'm gonna say tiny martini glasses with a sweet signature drink when you first come in, like a watermelon martini...

It's at some super rich person's house, but most of the guests are normal, so you can all stand together and ogle the view. Actually this person is lovely but has questionable taste, so there's bad art to giggle at. But the food is REALLY good.

Okay, so: mushroom tarts, really good smoked salmon rolled up on endives, potato chips with creme fraiche and caviar...

Asparagus tempura with some kind of dipping sauce

You do NOT have to wait in line for the bar unless you want a mixed drink, because servers are circulating with trays of wine and Prosecco, and the servers are happy and fun and well-paid, and you find the one who will gossip with you about the hosts.

Okay, this part is important: Everyone's dressed up and looks amazing, but then there's a chill enough vibe that people can take off their high heels and walk around barefoot in the grass.

There's an outdoor part and an indoor part, plus some kind of extra balcony area, so you can see where the best people are and/or avoid people you don't like.

Music is a really good live band, but quiet enough that no one has to shout. It's like two guitars and a singer.

There's someone there you haven't seen in YEARS, and someone you've always had a crush on, and someone you know you can just find whenever and be each other's home base.

What is the view? Are we thinking ocean, or mountains, or both?

When you're getting a little drunk and you think you've been through all the food, they bring out these amazing mini pizzas in three different flavors.

Someone's also circulating with water, so you remember to hydrate. So thoughtful of them!

And this is the point where someone comes up to you and says "Did you see the taco station?" and you're like "WHAT?" And they tell you there's this whole other room inside that you missed.

Okay and then when you're back outside the hosts' absolutely adorable dog gets loose and they keep apologizing and you're like "Stop, I'm adopting Rufus, I love him."

Then it turns out there's ANOTHER signature drink, and this one is, like, some kind of lavender thing that's super sophisticated and some people hate it but some people love it.

Okay, so which is better:

So, at like 10 pm, the host dings a glass and everyone's dreading this but then it's just to announce that there's a coffee and spirits bar inside.

Someone you don't like gets a nosebleed all over his shirt.

As it starts to get cold outside, the host brings out a huge basket of pashminas and you get to pick one out for the night. (This has happened to me at a party and it was heaven.)

There's a famous person at the party, someone you're dying to meet but you don't want to be weird about it. You end up in their chat circle by accident and make them laugh and now you're their best friend at the party.

You find yourself saying things like "Well, I need to mingle, but I'll be back around for those cheese straws!"

Halfway through the night, someone shows you their phone and it's something like Mitch McConnell was just indicted and everyone drinks to it.

At 11:30...

But then as some people are leaving, the host is like, "You want to see where we keep the good stuff?"