My now boyfriend and I went on a few dates about 7/8 years ago. We even went indoor skydiving once. Nothing really happened romantically but we remained friends. Fast forward to 2020 and here we are. Timing mattered...because we grew into the people we needed to be, for us now.

I think sometimes people can meet and get along, but things might not click based on where each person is in their life. That’s not always location based either, it could be mentally too. Or people can grow and their growth may add another layer to their character/personality.

Right now it’s late, and I’m just thinking out loud...but I do believe timing can play a role when it comes to how we foster romantic relationships and friendships. The person you were 10 years ago isn’t who you are now and how you’d navigate old bonds now, would be different.

I think in some circumstances, friendships/relationships might not manifest or even last, not because the people involved are intrinsically terrible for each other, but because they’re not navigating the situation in the best way. And sometimes growth (time) can change that.

Also, I think it’s worth saying that the concept of time and ‘readiness’ when it comes to relationships can certainly be manipulated or misused. I don’t think its something that should be used to justify going back to people who are undeniably bad for you / bad partners.

When you acknowledge that timing may have been the issue, you’re applying a level of grace to your review of the past. Not everyone deserves this grace. Timing doesn’t change some people’s character. Timing alone doesn’t make people compatible. For some, timing wasn’t the issue.

I believe this is where things get complicated. “How do I know something didn’t work out because of timing or because ‘we’ didn’t and don’t work?”. Again, I’m thinking out loud here...but I guess one might ask themselves questions like:

What led to the issues in the past?

Did the past highlight a difference in values?

If we had compatibility issues, were they ‘fixable’ with time?

How has the person changed?

Do the changes justify stepping into the past or am I traumatised from past experiences with them?

I’m sure there are many more questions one might ask (feel free to list some if you have any ideas), but I do think it’s also important for us not to be idealistic when it comes to the concept of people changing with time.

One example of this idealism is the assumption that it’s “meant to be” when someone from the past re-enters your life. Maybe it’s meant to be...for now. But just because they re-entered doesn’t necessarily mean they are meant to be around forever...

I believe some relationships are seasonal and relationships that don’t last a lifetime can add value and be purposeful. However, when it comes to individuals from the past re-entering, people sometimes add a sprinkle of ‘fairytale’ because a connection was previously established.

It’s like: “We got back together after years of being apart. Oh it’s definitely meant to be!!!”

Maybe it’s not though? Maybe it’s meant to be for the next 2-3 years and after that, it’s meant to be done?

To me, the ‘right timing’ doesn’t just apply to forever relationships.

Why am I saying this? Because I don’t think it’s helpful for people to assume a reconnection automatically equals “the one”. If you assume that, then you may apply unnecessary pressure to the relationship the second time around or you may become too accommodating or forgiving.

This thread is becoming a very long stream of consciousness. I guess what I’m trying to say is:

Sometimes it’s not about timing. Sometimes it is. Apply discernment. Don’t be idealistic. If it was a timing issue, don’t take it as a ‘sign’. Take each day as it comes.