[THREAD]

So a friend of mine talked to me about joining milito years ago. I sha looked online for the nearest recruiters number. I called him and set up an appointment. Oshey! The day came I entered there! Gave all necessary info and he...

Set another appointment sha (about a month later. After months of going back and forth the recruiter called me one morning and asked "can you show up tomorrow morning by 8am?" I said "sure sir!" He said okay "make sure you have something you can exercise in" I said OK

So I was like.. This one that this man is telling us to bring something we can exercise in. Shey ko si? If I reach there and this man tells me to be doing 100 pushups I will change it for him o
Mi o fe weyrey o. I entered the next morning and met other applicants.

Recruiter said we should follow him that we had a running test! Ha! Running test keh? Stop this rough play plx... He said "Yeap! Running test guys!" Shey you can't tell us ahead so we can workout and be ready for today ni? Anyways no be run? We don dey run nor be today nah..

Me that back then in Mapoly, if we hear small "Paa!" Na me dey first run enter house.. Oya let's start nah! This man took us all to a quarter mile track and said "You are gonna run 2 miles in 15 mins! You running 8 laps. If someone yells TRACK, move to the other lane to make way"

I looked around.. let me not lie! That track looked small from outside. I said "8 laps in 15 mins? I'll do this thing in 10 mins! What is this man talking about?" Recruiter spent like 15-20 mins talking about safety procedures. Heeys! Mr Recruiter! We want to run please!!!

Shey you don't want me to carry first ni? See! My body is on the road for this run oga! Let's start this race please. The world will not koba you IJN. I mean... just 8 laps? Oya oya oya!! Bruhh I don off shirt.. I saw others with like 2.5 gallons of water each. I was like...

Because of 8 laps? Why didn't you goan use GeePee tank and bring water? Shey they told us to bring water ni? I yelled "come on guys! We gat this!" Bruhh.. no be small thing.. So the recruiter said there were many rules but the most important one is "You must complete the 8 laps!

And the key to that is not to give up! Just keep running" Its better to fail (run more than 15 mins) than to get disqualified (not completeting the 8 laps). Ok sir. Sha let's run and get it over with. I dont know why this man wahala is too much because of ordinary 8 laps.

Bruh! You know the quote about head wey go chop konk even though e wear helmet right? LMAOOO. This lady whispered "Damn. I haven't run in a while" heeys! Madam why are you acting laidis? Me gan sef I haven't run in a while! No excuses please! I was already jogging and stretching.

He lined us up and yelled "your time starts now!" Everyone just took off! Me was still standing there.. He yelled "Goooo!" Ha! Shey race yaff started ni? Me was still waiting for "on your mark, set and go!" It's ojoro that will finish this man. You will see me in action Mr man.

So I took off! Bruuuuh! Coman see speed!! I thought I was going to fly ni! See as I was running past them! *fia fia fia* oshey! Usain Bolt lomo! A dude yelled "stop sprinting! You gon get tired!" What is your own? Aproko! is it your sprint? If you don't sharap and face..

Your own race. See his head. Mr Gorimapa. Well, that sprint didn't last long at all. I should have listened but you know when you are alaigboran eran Nuru, you will just be behaving like a FOOL. Bruhh! I never even complete the first lap wey legs don dey shake ... ha! Weyrey re o

... the track began to expand in my eyes. I was like "shey they increased this track ni? How can I run that fast and I'm not done with the first lap?" This is Impossible! I started to breath like Christmas goat. I did the first lap and yelled "Yeahh! Ha! Ona go die today!"

Entered second lap! Ghen ghen!! Recruiter yelled "move move move!! Lets go!" Come and join us nau... shouting MOVE when you are using RED BULL to step down! Bro coman see how I was running during second lap.. I told myself "ha! Won ti get me last last! Omo! Asiri wa o ni tu o

Its like I will run away and never come back. How will I make it to 8 laps without dying bayi? Ha! Esu lagbara ko ni igbala mehn" I was sha running. Shebi the key is to not stop? Let's go there! How I made it to the 6th lap. It's God that know. Cos me gan sef don't even remember

I was sha running. There was this dude I caught up with. So I yelled "Track" so he could move to the second lane, and make way for me. This dude didn't even answer. Ha God! It's like this one want me to push him danu! I yelled again "Trackkkkkk" He said "oh my bad. Sorry man..

My mind ain't here". You are running here and you send your mind somewhere else. This one is not well. He asked "Hey bro, how many laps have you run?" Why is this one asking me nonsense question? Shey you want to dash me the remaining laps ni?. I said "I'm on my 6th lap" he said

"Damn I'm on my 3rd lap" I was like "Ehn Ehn Ehn! 3rd lap keh? Excuse me! Where did you branch? Shey this one goan buy fish at Ijora Market abi what? How can you be on your 3rd lap" he said "hold up man... let me keep the pace with you" haq haq haq! You and who? Mr man!

Eni o ri yo! I left the weyrey. when I entered 7th lap! My recruiter yelled "Don't give up! Do it for your family!" Oga don't even bring my family into this. Those ones are probably eating igbakere or ewa agonyi at home. Pls let me carry my cross and run it finish! When I entered

final lap, I thought I was going to die ni! I started running like someone that is doing legover! My recruiter yelled "dont give up! Do it for those who said you wouldn't make it this far" This man is looking for my trouble. First of all, nobody knew I came here to run, so I dont

Understand the iranu motivation you are trying to give me here. Second of all, dont block my ear with your noise, abi you want to chop fly nodding ni? When I had like 200m left, this recruiter came from nowhere again!! "last 200m SPRINTTTTT!"

Lmaoooo, me I have used...

Up my sprint in the first lap o! Kosi sprint mo oooo . Its like this man want to call 911 because any small sprint I will just die! Omo! Coman see as i was running, making "ah ah ah" sound with my tongue out like a dog. You will think I want to bark ni. A o ni gbo bi aja o

I finished the race o! Thank God oooo. Recruiter yelled "Jog it off! Jog it off!" Free me man! Joggers niyen! I just laid on the floor looking at heaven while I was trying to catch my breath. I asked myself "Okikiola what have you gotten yourself into? Ha! This wahala is too much

After we were done running. Recruiter yelled "y'all have to do better. Is this what you wanna go to basic military training with? You probably would be doing this everyday in military training"

I was like "everyday keh? Mo ku oooooooooooo".....