What’s a toxic relationship?
A thread.

(These are from my experiences or the experiences I’ve witnessed... I can’t speak for all)

1. Putting all of your time, energy, and attention into someone while neglecting yourself. Making sure they’re good before you check on you. Completely forgetting you exist trying to keep them happy.

I thought caring more about my loved ones was healthy, until I realized it wasn’t when I cared more about them than I did about myself. I stopped things I loved to fit into their life. I changed parts of myself to be what they needed.

2. Being a savior. No one truly needs you to save them, they need you to love them and be there for them. Letting someone be dependent on you will cause them to take advantage of all you have to give, causing you to exhaust yourself, causing you to forget your worth.

I always adapted to ones that were broken or needed to be saved. I knew my love was enough. I knew my kind soul would help them heal. Instead, they used my heart as a weapon against me. They used me for their own gain, and left me once they became whole.

3. Any form of abuse. It may not be recognized at first, you may become blinded by “love”. No form or abuse is okay. If someone thinks they have the power to control your mind, body, or life, that’s not okay. Please, don’t stay.

I’ve been mentally, emotionally and physically abused. I’ve experienced rape ny first time having sex, I didn’t think of it as so because I was “in love” but the uncomfort I felt, the ptsd I had from the thought of sex again.

All abuse goes hand in hand. Neither are worse than the other. I’ve been with someone who completely shut me out when he was mad (lived together) and I was non existent. When was over it, it never got brought up again. I was left with the wondering. I was left with the pain.

4. Always blaming yourself, never giving the proper credit. When something goes wrong, you always blame yourself. You try to fix something you didn’t do to make them happy. This will dig you deeper into thinking you’re the problem.

The many times I was shut out, I blamed myself. Why couldn’t I help? Why did I let it get this far? What did I do? When everything that happened wasn’t even my fault, it was his insecurities that were the problem. It went so far to the point I thought something was wrong with me.

5. No life. Shutting out your passions, dreams, and everything you love. If you find yourself walking away from who you are and everything that comes with it, run.

I didn’t realize I was secluded. The first time in a real relationship, I thought I was enjoying it. I gave up my writing, I lost my direction in life. I even stopped seeing my family. I found myself always at their need, the copendency on their end was slowly killing me.

6. Making excuses for your toxic relationship. Stop. Don’t discredit what’s infront of you, open your eyes. Love isn’t all there is to life, love is a blessing. If you need to belittle yourself, lose yourself, give up everything for it, it’s not it.

There were many times I would question my connections. There were many times I wanted to speak up, but I was afraid to lose everything I once worked so hard to get. I was blinded by what I thought love was. I was blinded by the toxicity.

7. Take accountability for your own toxic traits. Understand you may have picked up some bad behavior along the way. If you’ve struggled with the traits from previous experiences, acknowledge them and heal from them before you let anyone close to loving you.

My toxic traits were loving and giving too much when they didn’t deserve it. Ghosting without giving them closure. It was neglecting myself and not giving proper love to myself. It was selfish of me to try to save, heal, and make someone love me when I couldn’t love myself.

Sometimes the problem starts with you, and sometimes the problems arise after the hurt you endured. Take accountability for your wrong doings, let others do the same and if they can’t, that’s not your problem. Don’t help them. Let them free.

Being in toxic experiences I realized, I played apart of the problem by letting them get close enough to control me. The walls I built never had the proper foundation. I fantasized love so much, I gave in every time someone came close. I accept that, I’ve healed because of it.

Relationships, friendships, family. They all can be toxic. They all don’t need to be kept around you if it’s not healthy for your soul. It’s okay to walk away from someone you thought you loved, people change, and sometimes for the worst, accept that.

One of the biggest troubles people face is not opening their eyes sooner because of “love”. Let me tell you, love isn’t love if you’re the only one putting yourself out there. If you’re being treated less than you’re worth, that’s a sign you deserve to set yourself free.

No more excuses. No more trying to heal them. No more trying to understand their brokenness. No more wasted time. It’s time to open your eyes and see the real infront of you before it’s too late. I know it hurts, being an empath I know, but it’s time to save yourself.

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