Read on Twitter
WE MUST BE THE GENERATION THAT CANCEL LOBOLA.
[A Long Thread]
![WE MUST BE THE GENERATION THAT CANCEL LOBOLA.[A Long Thread]](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EezRWwxWkAExFtD.jpg "WE MUST BE THE GENERATION THAT CANCEL LOBOLA.[A Long Thread]")
[A Long Thread]
This is a generation that questions everything, from religion, old political systems, laws and anything that was missed. Our time can be characterized by correcting the errors that our parents overlooked. Where they were silent we make the loudest noise.
The most dominant activism in our time is equal rights and opportunities and personal freedom for women. Obviously such movements existed way back 60s, but with the help of democracy, now women can freely express their frustrations about any system.
But isn’t it funny that in this Era where the most oppressive and partriachal norms and systems are being reviewed, lobola is still flourishing and left untouched?
“It is our tradition” and a very sensitive matter, hence it is not reviewed. But, just because a practice is cultural does it make it comform to our liberation standards? Must we applaud oppression and partriachy if it is masked in tradition? Tradition is not innocent.
We should not be afraid to point out the fact that our black tradition is one oppressive system in which women are not allowed to represent themselves. Lobola negotiations being an example of that.
In many tribes, only men negotiates. They decide a woman’s worth. I know there are tribes which allows older women to be part of the council, but the fact remains that the bride does not have a say about the outcome of an event that concerns her.
In the end, slavery is about a lack of choices, it is about having to do something against your will.
- Mathabo Sekhonyana
- Mathabo Sekhonyana
Someone might argue that lobola was meant to unite families and not to sell the bride. Yeah right, it is not about buying the bride, it is about expropriating her in exchange for payment. Lol
I disagree with the argument that lobola was once a good practice that was just corrupted. Because even in its original form it still failed women. It was a traditional way of a man buying entitlement and power over the woman.
Hence in the past men felt like they could treat woman as they please. He payed lobola therefore he owned her. Even after the celebration, elders would only seat the bride down, mentored her about submission and taking care of her husband, while saying nothing to do man.
Yes in the 20th century lobola was simple gifts and uniting the two families, but nowadays outrageous amounts makes it irrelevant and oppressive. It is centered around money, a financial disagreement might fail the whole process.
There is nothing that can justify this trade of women. Lobola money is not a gift – since there is a price tag.
The price set depends on education, manners, etc. The more educated she is, the more expensive the lobola will be, or rather the greater the ‘gift’ demanded.
The price set depends on education, manners, etc. The more educated she is, the more expensive the lobola will be, or rather the greater the ‘gift’ demanded.
Lobola means that a couple that is emotionally ready to commit to each other must stay unmarried if the man does not have the financial resources to satisfy the bride’s family. Thus sometimes settling for cohabitation.
Black men have to battle lifting themselves out of poverty and whilst raising funds on the side to pay in order to officially be with a queen. And they are often labeled when they raise issues, “If he is serious about her, he will make means to pay for her”.
When are we going to stop questioning people and start questioning this oppressive system itself? Isn’t that we agree that we’re unable to do certain things because of the system being against us?
Only women can address this. And I know that most women do realize that lobola is an oppression – especially when they have met a promising soul mate. But can’t speak out. When will Black kids express their frustrations without being labeled disrespectful and rebellious?
Gender equity is impossible where traditional patriarchal customs flourish. If we really want to uproot partriachy, we must be ready to address it even when masked as culture. never be intimidated by those with strong views about the importance of culture”
Any traditional practice can be scrapped if it oppresses its people. Virginity testing was also a traditional practice, what happened to it? It was found to be violating the girl child’s right to privacy and Children’s Act, 2005, and has been rejected as demeaning.
This means that any Cultural practice can be altered when the masses are fed up.
I mean, virginity testing was a highly esteemed cultural practice in the past, when did it start working against girls? It has always been oppressive, it’s just that it was overlooked for ages, until someone decided to take a stand.
If our generation will also be one that will let this oppressive lobola system slide, we will breed another frustrated young generation. In my opinion, a celebration that does not involve any negotiation can do, where parents freely give their blessings.
What are we still negotiating if the couple have already agreed to be together? Are we negotiating terms in which they can only be officially together?
Parents should be respected, hence I am not speaking against parents getting to know each other and celebrate, but Let the groom bring what he can afford!
The idea of a thanking the bride’s family is really not a bad one. Hence my opinion is not to trash that, but I'm saying that the gift should be free will. If you tell someone to bring what they have, they will make sure they bring the best gift.
These were some of the cultural practices that were strictly enforced in the past but are no longer:
- Polygamy
- Virginity Testing
- Initiation school (Some)
- Women can now go to school.
- Attires (women freely wear anything)
But lobola nex!
- Polygamy
- Virginity Testing
- Initiation school (Some)
- Women can now go to school.
- Attires (women freely wear anything)
But lobola nex!
I see comments of people saying we should rather cancel white weddings. I am not an advocate for white weddings, I believe our traditional weddings are enough, I'm only against financial negotiations.
Here is my post about white weddings: https://kgaogelomcorridor.wordpress.com/2020/04/20/a-wedding-is-necessary-but-not-necessarily-a-must/
Here is my post about white weddings: https://kgaogelomcorridor.wordpress.com/2020/04/20/a-wedding-is-necessary-but-not-necessarily-a-must/
This is one of the best and most thought provoking thread I have written. I haven't received any comments that challenges or valify my points beyond "it's our culture" 
. Is culture perfect?
. Is culture perfect?
Here is my latest thread. Lobola has surpassed its relevance. https://twitter.com/SithaleKgaogelo/status/1292026394583719937?s=20
