one of the things ishould probably unlearn is using violence/hysterics as a language for when i wanna be heard

its hard to let go of it from a logical standpoint bc i can rationalise that yelling and threatening ppl with physical harm DOES work in getting their attention

and it paints me as this huge bitch whos scary or at the very least a nuisance so ppl listen to what i say

i can justify it by saying i only get violent with bad ppl or those who "deserve" it but from an ethical and human standpoint it does nothimg but make me feel guilty and ashamed after bc im acting like my f*ther

its wrong and inappropriate behavior and it doesnt really work

violence is oppression and invasion of a persons space for most people and is never about communicating an idea avout urswlf