Thread by @PAWA_WEV, The 2nd of August 2018 was the worst night in my life, [...]

The 2nd of August 2018 was the worst night in my life, an unforgettable mistake, that left me with a scar on my arm. The 2nd of August 2020 was the worst day in my life, an unforgivable mistake, that left me with a scar in my heart.

I was lucky to still live after that night, I was just too much of an idiot to learn from it. When I had that blade in hand, I was unable to think, I was unconscious. When I had my phone in my hands, I was able to think, I was still conscious but acted the same way.

Now that y'all gave me some time to truly think about my next actions, to think about how I should consider myself, to think about how I should grow up, from all of these mistakes, that hurt so many of y'all, breaking hearts and trusts.

I lost the people that mean more than everything to me, my closest friends, some that I considered family. I disappointed them, I betrayed them. I've made them say and do things I never expected from them, and I fully deserved to hear those.

Like I said what I did was unforgivable, but I still want to apologize dearly, to everyone that it may have affected.

I truly mean it, to those who loved me, even to the people that didn't know me as much. I wanna dearly apologize to everyone that know about what happened.

I went too far into where I wasn't supposed to head to. Basically everything that happened was my fault, because I was too stubborn to believe that I could control my emotions. I went the wrong way and kept going, even if I was aware of it.

This experience broke me, to the point that I'm scared of what I can do to others, or to myself even. I'm ready to pick the pieces back up, but this time to build myself better. I'm still crying to this day when I look at all that I lost everyday, wishing it all never happened.

Now all I can do is hope, without expecting, that I can hear y'all's voices, and laughs again. Hope that I can get to see y'all's messages and drawings in the future. Hope that I can join y'all's journey again.

I don't necessarily want you guys to forgive me, nor to forget about what happened. I just want you guys to know how I truly feel about this whole event. I want you guys to know, that I'm sorry. I want you guys to know, that I WILL change.

I promise.

I promise to become a better friend. I promise that I will now truly try to learn from my mistakes.

I promise, to become a better person.

To those to whom I said farewell, I wish you the very best, stay amazing, you truly made 2020 better for me, and I thank you, dearly.

To those who chose to stay with me, I know that my word isn't worth much but I made those promises knowing how hard it'd be to keep them. I will try my best. I dearly thank you, for giving me another chance at being your friend, and for motivating me in doing so.

I wanna thank those who read it this far, it took me forever to type all of this because I'm at work but I just really wanted this out now. I also wanna thank y'all again for all the support through all my ups, my downs and my greatest achievements.

And now to end this thread, I wanna say that I still love you all. I probably wouldn't be breathing right now if it wasn't for some of y'all.

I'm still here if any of y'all need me.

Thank you again and until next time, stay amazing.

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