Abusers aren’t abusive to every single person. That’s how they get away with it time & time again, for so long. They select victims they think won’t or can’t fight back, as well as victims that people won’t believe b/c of oppressive race/class/gender structures. It’s purposeful.

Of course all these celebrities are saying Ellen has always been nice to them. She probably was! Because they weren’t her victims because they weren’t made powerless against her. She harmed emoloyees—people that she had enormous power over.

From personal experience after healing from an emotionally abusive relationship, abusers often seem charming, kind, caring, & even loving *when you are not their target.* It took me ages to realize I was being emotionally abused b/c it was new behavior after months of joy.