I want to share this because someone else might feel like this: I’ve had a little hyper moment with the show pitch earlier and while I was having a lot of fun and y’all made me genuinely laugh, I started feeling horribly guilty after a while

I had thoughts coming up like “why are you so loud and annoying” “great now everyone saw it and you’re in trouble.” What am I in trouble for? Why do I feel like I did something horribly wrong and don’t even want to look back at it?

Sometimes I forget how much and how deeply I’ve always hated myself for anything that wasn’t “normal” or acceptable. I either overstep boundaries when im hyper or people start looking at me like I’m a freak, so I haven’t allowed myself to be like this in a while.

It made me realize something though - how much I miss and deserve to not have to monitor myself all the time, checking if I’m still appearing “normal”. You know what’s not normal? Feeling guilty for having fun - for being myself.

I guess I’m still more deeply hurt from my life as an undiagnosed ADHD alien than I thought. No worries, I’m not sad! I’m just shocked by the realization of what still lingers of my deep self-hatred of my ADHD symptoms and hope this might help someone realize the same

Ok I lied I am sad, because when you tell yourself that you did something awful when all you did was fun? It’s like stabbing your own heart. So please y’all, don’t be mean to yourself https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙇‍♀️" title="Frau verbeugt sich tief" aria-label="Emoji: Frau verbeugt sich tief">