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I want to share this because someone else might feel like this: I’ve had a little hyper moment with the show pitch earlier and while I was having a lot of fun and y’all made me genuinely laugh, I started feeling horribly guilty after a while
I had thoughts coming up like “why are you so loud and annoying” “great now everyone saw it and you’re in trouble.” What am I in trouble for? Why do I feel like I did something horribly wrong and don’t even want to look back at it?
Sometimes I forget how much and how deeply I’ve always hated myself for anything that wasn’t “normal” or acceptable. I either overstep boundaries when im hyper or people start looking at me like I’m a freak, so I haven’t allowed myself to be like this in a while.
It made me realize something though - how much I miss and deserve to not have to monitor myself all the time, checking if I’m still appearing “normal”. You know what’s not normal? Feeling guilty for having fun - for being myself.
I guess I’m still more deeply hurt from my life as an undiagnosed ADHD alien than I thought. No worries, I’m not sad! I’m just shocked by the realization of what still lingers of my deep self-hatred of my ADHD symptoms and hope this might help someone realize the same
Ok I lied I am sad, because when you tell yourself that you did something awful when all you did was fun? It’s like stabbing your own heart. So please y’all, don’t be mean to yourself 
