hello! please read this thread. this is important!

more than that:

it’s a thank you. a big, mushy, tear-filled thank you to every single one of you: for helping me heal. truly. i want you to know how much you mean to me. all of you.

tw// self-harm, thoughts of s*cide

not even 4 months ago, i was at my lowest. i hated myself so much i couldn’t even look at photos of myself without sobbing. i was bitter, sad, angry, and scared. i relapsed in sh. i didn’t want to be here. things got worse in May.

tw// panic attacks, nightmares

i had multiple panic attacks a day, i couldn’t stop shaking, i cried constantly. i felt so sad and guilty for all the years I’d wasted feeling just like this. kinda like i was broken, and there was no hope of me being fixed. i felt useless.

then: i made this account. and i met y’all. and i started to smile, and laugh, and have something to look forward to. i had people to smile for, people to cheer on, people to hype up, people to fight for! something to live for. i began to feel a bit better, happier.

i started getting back into my vocal lessons, and despite my motor/mobility issues with my legs, got myself back into dancing daily. i started to make jokes, to laugh, and have energy. i wouldn’t miss all my meals or only drink a glass of water. i took care of me.

one thing in particular i always struggled with was not feeling like i belonged, wherever i went. but here, i feel like i have a true ohana, a family. between kanaka twitter, native twitter, black twitter, and broadway / theatre twitter, i feel so at home. loved, free, happy!

i also appreciate so many of the things i’ve learned from you all. how to better myself and learn and listen: how to be the best ally i can be to marginalized groups i’m not apart of. how to brighten someone’s day and help make them feel whole and loved.

and now: i’m here. still struggling occasionally, still flawed, but here. and i truly don’t think i would be if it weren’t for you all and the joy, love, laughter, and kindness you give me. you’ve made such a difference in my life: and i cannot thank you enough.

every kind word of encouragement / love, every DM, every interaction, has made this lost soul finally feel like she’s gonna be found soon. and that means the world to me. thank you, so, so much. i can never repay you. may you always be blessed, my beautiful ohana: my family!

(and, if i ever do truly make it on broadway: you guys will be mentioned in so many speeches, without a doubt. i’ll probably cry as much as i did and more when i wrote this thread lol, but they’ll be joyful tears, i promise!!)