I guess I woke up this morning in my feelings. I have a mad case of the sads and I really hope it doesn’t stay all day. You ever feel like there’s nothing you can do no matter how well things seem to be going?

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Atm, I live in fear and my anxiety doesn’t help that. I haven’t left my house in months and I’m super jealous of everyone going on vacations and visiting people all over. I’m so scared I’ll get sick and die because my immune system isn’t the best... but I miss going out...

I live with a nurse and as much as I love her and I appreciate her for all the work she does, she also doesn’t seem to take precautions when she’s exposed to Covid. She shrugs it off and jokes “WELL I probably just have COVID” while standing behind me and patting my back...

BLM movement is wonderful and beautiful but cops and the government are still not trying to protect us. Cops are still hurting and arresting us for no reason. I’m scared to leave my house, catch COVID or get shot by someone I SHOULD be able to trust.

Racism is so heightened because of the orange in power that I’m terrified someone is just going to attack me for being dark. It’s bad though people online do it because they can— atleast irl people are too scared to ACTUALLY say things to you but now, Trump approves so it’s okay.

I throw myself into creativity so I can ignore the world but I end up burning out. I see how my friends are growing on tiktok and I’ve been stuck at my numbers for a while, but I can’t complain cause I’m doing better then others. So I’m at a state of be grateful and shut up...

I’m getting opportunities and being blessed with love and support— my mind is telling me that when this is all over it will go away. People are here because they have nothing else to do in quarantine. I’m hoping this support and energy continues but it’s hard to believe.

I feel too fat for normal hype, too small for plus size hype. Too “white acting” for the black girl hype and too black for the “normal” hype. I don’t “complain” enough for the “hate” hype, but I complain too much for “positive” hype. I’m just stuck in social media limbo.

Twitter has probably been the best place for me to feel myself— but leave me open to the worst people. TikTok hides my content that makes me happy. Facebook is toxic. Instagram is about being a picture model. All social media exhausts me but I need interaction...

I hate having to work so hard for little notice but when a pretty model girl says “first cosplay, don’t be mean hehe” they made 20k followers in one night. I was teased my whole cosplay career and these girls just have to show up...? Makes me feel like something’s wrong with me.

There’s no space in our house for me to work with so many people home but I have to do something or I’ll go crazy. My OCD as been going NUTS for months and I’ve been having mood swings and ticks like crazy and pain. I have no where to escape too though— I’m trapped.

Sorry, this thread is super long and I don’t mean to rant but this is what I have. I feel like I’m going through my own personal hell sometimes— but I can’t complain cause I’m the surface everyone sees the happy little Isabelle cosplayer, I risk becoming the “negative” cosplayer.

I don’t need advice, I’m just tired. I have several projects I wanna do but I feel like they’ll all flop because they’re for YouTube and TikTok. If you got this far, thank you for reading and I’m sorry for complaining. I’ll be back to being joyous soon, I’m just tired.