<YATESMAS LIVETWEET THREAD>

SALLY YATES TESTIFIES ON THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION!

Looks like she's going to be on video teleconference from Georgia. Sen. Graham comes to order.

https://www.c-span.org/video/?474339-1/acting-attorney-general-sally-yates-testifies-russia-investigation

GRAHAM: Hi. I'm Senator Graham. You may remember me from before I went golfing with Trump.

MS. YATES, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING.

Sorta? There was the Dossier. Too. Also.

God. I am in hell. I AM IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

GRAHAM: I guess Ms. Yates had a meeting. With Pres. Obama and intelligence people. In 2017. And I guess they were all right about Russia. It wasn't an obese guy in New Jersey. So.

BUT FLYNN WAS INNOCENT CROSSFIRE RAZOR CARTER PAGE

oh god i was a JAG I know better oh god

GRAHAM: god what happened to me i don't even know

YATES HAD CRIMINAL INTERCEPTS ON MIKE FLYNN AND I HAVE TO PRETEND LIKE I DON'T KNOW THEY'RE DIFFERENT FROM COUNTERINTELLIGENCE

flynn innocent susan rice what didn't anyone tell the president me Russia oh god why did I do this

GRAHAM: APPARENTLY, THE FBI WAS UPSET ABOUT FLYNN BEING A SPY WHILE OBAMA WAS PRESENT

THE LOGAN ACT! IT'S OLD!

and talking to russians is ok it's really ok

I talked to turks who were really russians about halkbank oh god that was in politico https://www.politico.com/news/2019/10/10/lindsey-graham-trump-hoax-call-043991

GRAHAM: WE NEED TO CLEAR UP THE LAW ON TREASON

BY WHICH I MEAN CLEAN OUT THE LAWS, BECAUSE SOMETIMES, YOU NEED TO TREASON! WHO'S IDEA WAS IT TO ENFORCE "THE LAW" ON TREASON?

oh god how much longer can I keep this up?

THIS SHEET OF PAPER SAYS THAT VICE PRESIDENT BURISMA WAS IN THE ROOM. ON A MATTER OF *NATIONAL SECURITY.*

PETER STRZOK SAID THAT JOE BURISMA KNEW ABOUT THE LOGAN ACT. THIS IS A BIG DEAL.

jesus somewhere you're out there McCain, tell me what to do
I'm in hell

GRAHAM: (he really said this) "WE HAVE ALL VIOLATED THE LOGAN ACT."

EVERYONE CONSPIRES WITH RUSSIAN INTELLIGENCE BEFORE TAKING THE WHITE HOUSE

YOU SHOULDN'T BE AFRAID OF TALKING TO RUSSIA

"If that's a violation of the law, God help us all."

"If that's a violation of the law, God help us all."

GRAHAM:MS. YATES TOLD THE FBI TO GO THE WHITE HOUSE TO NOT HIRE FLYNN, and when she did, they fired her - and THAT'S WHY THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE IT, WHICH SHE DID AS ACTING AG, WHICH WAS CORRECT, AND GOT FIRED.

WE ALL CONSPIRE WITH RUSSIA. Senator Feinstein?

FEINSTEIN: Hi Lindsey, that was...special. ANYHOW, Horowitz looked at this, and THEY WERE TRAITORS, SO FISA WARRANTS WERE PRETTY DAMNED APPROPRIATE.

The Aussies told us all about it, just for one of a million sources. You know. About conspiracy with Russia. So:

DIFI: The Steele Dossier was never the basis of our counterintelligence investigations, which poor Lindsey here fucking well knows.

Also, they are totally full of shit on Mike Flynn, who is a traitor-ass traitor, and guilty.

DIFI: Flynn made out with Ambassador Sergey Kislyak multiple times a day. They had a camgirl show. It's on PornHub.

Flynn then lied about it, flipped like a bitch, pleaded guilty, and then had Bill Barr save him.

This maybe is not OK, you think?

DIFI: Yeeeeah, so Sally Yates is likely to straighten your bullshit out. At the end of the day is not whether Mike Flynn is guilty - he's a traitor-ass traitor, everyone knows that, including him.

The question is WHO HELPED HIM.

GRAHAM: Thank you, Sen. Feinstein. I am in hell. Sally Yates knows everything.

Let's swear her in.

YATES: Good morning. I am here to slice off your traitor hindquarters with the sweetest possible Georgia accent.

Eric Garland will be live tweeting this in an embarrassing manner, for which he shall show little shame. Now, on to the treason.

()

YATES: Russia attacked us and lots of treasonweasels helped. It was very bad. We have little doubt.

Obama sanctioned them, which is what you do. Russia was going to retaliate. Then they didn't. And it was a big mystery...why didn't they?

YATES: The answer was found when intrepid defense analysts watched Flynn and Kislyak's camgirl show on PornHub.

Flynn, during a break, told Kislyak not to do anything, because Kislyak was his shmoopie-boo, and he would make sure Russia would be OK.

This intel was analyzed.

When I saw Comey during the Transition, I was irritated. I heard about the Flynn camgirl show. Why didn't I have the horrid read-out before meeting POTUS?

Turns out, it was caught with the counterintelligence peeps, who were all trying to brief me on the traitor.

Questions?

GRAHAM: Did you read the Horowitz report oh god I'm in hell

YATES: Well, I

GRAHAM: CARTER PAGE FISA BAR TALK

YATES: Well, I

GRAHAM: LEAVE CARTER PAGE ALOOOONE!!!

GRAHAM: WOULD YOU LEAVE CARTER PAGE ALONE, NOW?

YATES: Well, I

GRAHAM: SO NO YOUR HONOR I LEAVE MY CASE!

YATES: ...

GRAHAM: AHA! IT'S ALL CLEAR NOW! YOU'RE A LIAR!

YATES:

GRAHAM: DID VICE PRESIDENT BURISMA WRITE THE LOGAN ACT

YATES: Dude it was a meeting with the President. The VP says nothing, you butthole.

SEN. LEAHY (Vermont-Eternity): Lindsey, how about you shut the fuck up and let her answer? It's pathetic.

GRAHAM: Fuck you, Pat.

LEAHY: I got under Cheney's skin to the point he flipped out in this chamber, bitch. Now, let her answer, asshole.

GRAHAM: Nanny-nanny-boo-boo, Pat.

GRAHAM: So you STALKED MIKE FLYNN AT HIS HOUSE. 18 U.S. Code § Stalking Traitors Is Bad!

YATES: Um, Russia had

GRAHAM: YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH FLYNN AND STALKING HIM LOGAN ACT BURISMA something something oh god make it stop

i'm so tired

GRAHAM: DID YOU INDICT FLYNN'S PHONE FOR COUNTERINTELLIGENCE? THAT MAKES NO SENSE!

YATES: We do those against people, and the people were talking on phones to

GRAHAM: SO FLYNN'S PHONE WAS INNOCENT! AHA!

YATES:

GRAHAM: Did Comey go rogue?

YATES: Sure, fine.

GRAHAM: Did I break the Logan Act when I talked to Israel about Iran?

YATES: Well maybe

GRAHAM: MAYBE I BROKEN THE LOGAN ACT, WHICH IS RIDICULOUS!

YATES: Well. Maybe you did, asshole.

GRAHAM: YOU JUST HATE CAMGIRL SHOWS. IT'S SEXIST!

YATES: Well, you can't have two presidents at the same time and I don't know that website.

GRAHAM: THEN YOU KEEP MISSING MY CAMGIRL SHOWS AND YOU SHOULD HAVE TWO PRESIDENTS, IT'S CALL BEING HAVING A BACKUP

YATES:

GRAHAM: so comey is rogue and you had a meeting comey is a rogue one where was the meeting is it near my dignity where is it

DIFI: Lindsey. Shut the fuck up for six seconds and let her answer.

GRAHAM: Fine. you had a meeting WHAT WHERE WAS THE MEETING? WHAT.

YATES:

GRAHAM: I am late for my camgirl show. Comey is rogue.

DIFI: So! Flynn was able to be blackmailed by the government? Sounds bad! But now Barr thinks he should be let off the hook. Thoughts?

YATES: Well, if the Russians attack, having a Russian agent in the White House is bad.

YATES: Flynn wasn't just talking with the Russian ambassador, they made out every night and talked about a threesome with Putin. While Obama was president.

DIFI: That sounds like you might get an FBI interview. And maybe charged.

YATES: Yes. Correct.

DIFI: You said having traitors as National Security Advisor was bad. Can you explain?

YATES: Well, Flynn *admitted* on a text to KT McFarland that he knew the conversations would get them all in trouble.

(EG Note: Remember, KT McFarland admitted to the ENTIRE Transition on US GOVERNMENT EMAILS that they thought Obama's sanction were to PUNISH RUSSIA FOR HANDING TRUMP THE ELECTION. This was revealed in December 2017.)

December 2, 2017, for the record. https://www.businessinsider.com/emails-kt-mcfarland-russia-thrown-election-to-trump-flynn-2017-12

DIFI: Well then. Barr thinks Flynn should be unprosecuted and un-guilty-plea Flynn. Is that weird?

YATES: Well, never saw it in 30 years, so yes, it seems a bit weird. Maybe if I had worked there for 50 years I'd think it weren't? Who knows.

GRASSLEY: So you ruined Carter Page's life?

YATES:

GRAMPY CHUCK-CHUCK: STEELE DOSSIER! WHY DIDN'T YOU KNOW EVERY OPPO RESEARCHER ON EVERY CAMPAIGN? WHY DOESN'T THE DOJ INVESTIGATE ALL CAMPAIGNS ALL THE TIME?

YATES: You know, we don't investigate every part of every campaign during the whole election year. You know. Unless you are begging to be a spy for Russia, which Carter Page literally was.

So, yes, he got a FISA.

GRAMPY CHUCK-CHUCK: So you hate Mike Flynn.

YATES: We thought maybe cutting him in on TS+ intel in a big hurry maybe wouldn't be appropriate during his camgirl show with Kislyak.

GRAMPY CHUCK-CHUCK: I am just as guilty as Graham. We are doomed. I love Bill Barr. Goodbye.

YATES: We investigate treason. Sorry if that bothers you.

LEAHY: Hello Ms. Yates. You're back. I'm back. I am never leaving the Senate. Ever. Come back in 300 years, and I'll still be asking questions. I am a legend. Anyhow, they're super traitors, eh?

YATES: They are traitors, so we had criminal and counterintelligence investigations, and we did tell the president, because we're in the Executive Branch.

LEAHY: So, Flynn sold us out to Russia?

YATES: More or less.

LEAHY: Does the FBI force you to lie to them?

YATES: Generally, they like it if you tell the truth. They even give you a couple of shots at it, READING FROM THEIR OWN INTERCEPTS, so you get a nice hint from the FBI not to lie. But they are idiots.

GRAHAM: You hate Flynn's PornHub channel with the Russian Embassy? Russia invested a lot in that. They work on hair and makeup and lighting. What is your "beef?"

YATES:

GRAHAM: You're just a racist against people who love Russian spies.

LEAHY: Lindsey, you're a moron.

GRAHAM: You closed the counterintelligence investigation on Jan. 4, 2017! Ha!

YATES: You've lost your damn mind. We most certainly didn't.

GRAHAM: YOUR HONOR, I LOSE MY CASE! YOU HATE TRUMP!

CORNYN: Anthony Weiner laptop Hillary emails.

YATES: Wow.

CORNYN: Comey was an irregular rogue, don't you think?

YATES:

CORNYN: Did the FBI even brief you enough? Comey is a rogue.

YATES: Now that you mention it, we could use a LOT MORE COUNTERINTELLIGENCE BRIEFINGS...you know?

CORNYN: Comey Hillary Clinton Loretta Lynch tarmac meeting

YATES: *waits for Benghazi reference*

CORNYN: *makes 2016-2017 mouth noises*

YATES:

CORNYN: Rosenstein Comey rogue memo fire Comey. Do you agree?

YATES: Nice try.

CORNYN: Ms. Yates, was Director Comey in the film Rogue One: a Star Wars Story?

YATES: I believe Comey played K2SO.

DURBIN: Flynn was paid by Russia Today, Volga Airline, and Kaspersky, which he left off his SF-86. Oh, and his paid work as a Turkish agent, that was off the SF-86, too. Were you stalking Mike Flynn?

YATES: No, but we were curious why Russia didn't react, and it was Flynn.

DURBIN: You told Trump not to hire a Russian agent?

YATES: Yes.

(EG Note: We've been through all of this. Can we drop some fucking indictments already? I'm bored. Thanks.)

GRAHAM: You didn't try to stop the Russians.

YATES: We did.

GRAHAM: What did *you* do, smarty pants?

YATES: Ask the CIA, perhaps? GLOMAR.

GRAHAM: Well, if you really cared, you would have stopped the GOP from being traitors.

YATES: Yeah, but we didn't want to interfere in our own election, which put us in a bind. And McConnell stopped us.

GRAHAM: Well, you could have arrested us all but didn't! Ha!

YATES:

LEE (R-Utah's Senator You Never Remember Because Romney's the Other One): You are racist against traitors. Why do you love Obama and hate Trump.

YATES: I briefed both the same about the same traitor.

LEE: Obama is mean to traitors.

LEE: But you didn't do things the same as the other people. Because you're racist against traitors.

YATES: Comey was worried about politics, and I don't care, as such.

LEE: You entrapped Flynn. YOU MADE FLYNN LIE!

YATES: If they did that, it would be bad. But they didn't.

LEE: So you ruined Carter Page's life for no reason, and if Hillary Clinton were elected, nobody would have known about this!

YATES: Carter Page likely would have been nailed no matter what, because he is a moron.

WHITEHOUSE: Jeez, could we have picked up Flynn through intercepts of the Russians, which we've done, like everyone, forever?

YATES: GLOMAR, Senator! (*of course)

WHITEHOUSE: With regards to FISA, would you ever intentionally make a false statement, which would get you disbarred? Or - like a fellow prosecutor such as myself - would you only *not* lie to courts?

YATES: Yes.

WHITEHOUSE: If you make a mistake, you don't stop investigating treason, right?

YATES: Correct.

GRAHAM: Right. So she unintentionally ruined Carter Page's life.

SEN. HAWLEY (R-Peter Thiel): You made MISTAKES! How could anyone make a MISTAKE on a 400+ page FISA application! Did you even READ THESE FISAs, Ms. Yates?

YATES: Yes.

HAWLEY: Wait, what?

HAWLEY: So YOU READ THE THOUSANDS OF PAGES OF FISA WARRANTS whoa those are really big applications I MEAN HOW COULD THERE HAVE BEEN 7 ERRORS OUT OF THOUSANDS OF PAGES? HA!

YATES:

HAWLEY: So the FBI DUPED YOU! TO STALK CARTER PAGE!

HAWLEY: How were you a PASSIVE PERSON at the DOJ?

YATES: I managed 117,000 employees, skippy. You argued a thing for Hobby Lobby and then Peter Thiel bought you an AG spot in Missouri.

HAWLEY: THE FISA COURT IS *SECRET!* DEMOCRATS! STEELE DOSSIER! BRUCE OHR!

HAWLEY: YOU ARE ALL LIAR HEADS! PURGE THE DOJ AND FBI! I AM NOT NERVOUS AT ALL ABOUT POLITICAL DEVELOPMENTS IN MISSOURI!

DIFI: Listen, you little twerp, that's a bunch of bullshit.

GRAHAM: FBI and DOJ are rogue!

HAWLEY: You are lying BASTARD PEOPLE! There is no law.

<BREAK>

(EG Note: Well. The Republicans sure seem calm. And I would give anything to write this while shit-talking next to Patrick Leahy today.)

(Lindsey, looking super triumphant. He *clearly* is feeling like it's all going swimmingly.)

KLOBUCHAR (D-Also a Prosecutor): Hello Ms. Yates. You are a rock star. Everybody loves you. And these haters can kiss my ass. With regards to the Russians, they're still up to this shit, and you did a great job. What about 2016? Even TRUMP people had to admit Russia did it.

YATES: Russia is off the chain. They're attacking us. They helped Trump. They hurt Hillary Clinton. Then George Papadopoulos told us that the Russians REACHED OUT TO THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN. So, that needed a lot of analysis, y'know?

KLOBUCHAR: So having a Russian agent as National Security Advisor was bad, right?

YATES: Yeah, there was a conspiracy to lie to the American people. It was kind of a BIG THING, AT THE TIME. So yeah, Mike Flynn as APNSA: not so much.

GRAHAM: Are you saying George Papadopoulos met with Russians on behalf of the campaign?

YATES: Dude, his wife says that. Check the HPSCI interview.

GRAHAM: NOBODY GOT INDICTED! NOBODY HAD A TRANSCRIPT! NOBODY IS IN PRISON NOW oh god how long can this last

GRAHAM: Is George Papadopoulos a RUSSIA AGENT, LOL?

YATES: He's connected to Russian intelligence, yes.

GRAHAM: REALLY! REALLY? heh heh huh...*gasp* really? huh. oh. *weeps*

(EG Note: Seriously. That was an epic exchange. And the UNCLAS transcripts all over the place show that G-Papa was swimming with Russian agents in 2016. And the question is whether he works for Israel.)

SEN. TILLIS: Look, Graham and Hawley aren't interrupting you, Skype is. Also, Bruce Ohr Dossier. Shouldn't people be fired?

YATES: Well I think

TILLIS: *immediately interrupts Yates*

TILLIS: Is the Logan Act a law?

YATES: Can breaking a law be seen as against the law? Well, we were looking at this

TILLIS: *interrupts Yates immediately*

COONS: So Flynn's a treasonweasel.

YATES: Yup.

*10 minutes of stuff you've heard*

COONS: Thanks.

KENNEDY (R-LA): Why didn't you acquit Flynn?

YATES: I'm not a judge or a jury.

KENNEDY: So you refuse to acquit him.

YATES:

FOGHORN LEGHORN: You hate Donald Trump.

YATES: I don't respect him much.

LEGHORN: You're part of a Trump-hating witch coven.

YATES:

LEGHORN: Steele Dossier!

YATES: What about it?

LEGHORN: Carter Page.

YATES: I,

*immediately interrupts Yates*

*immediately interrupts Yates*
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*immediately interrupts Yates*

YATES: May I continue?

LEGHORN: Oh, sure.

YATES: Thanks, I

*immediately interrupts Yates*

*immediately interrupts Yates*
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YATES: When I
*immediately interrupts Yates*
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YATES: I managed 117,000 employees, and
*immediately interrupts Yates*

LEGHORN: THE STEELE DOSSIER IS JUNK, WHY DIDN'T YOU CHECK IT ALL?

YATES: Senator, I
*immediately interrupts Yates*
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*Graham laughs*

LEGHORN: YOU HATE AMERICA
*immediately interrupts Yates*
*immediately interrupts Yates*
*preemptive interrupts Yates*
*builds time machine*
*goes back in time to interrupt every sentence Sally Yates has ever uttered*

LEGHORN: WHAH DIDN'T YOU TELL YOUR EMPLOYEE CHRISTOPHER STEELE WHAT TO DO!

YATES: I'd like to say som-

*builds machine to interrupt Yates for eternity*

GRAHAM: WHO KNEW WHAT, WHEN!

YATES: *shows unbelievable patience despite everything*

GRAHAM: THAT IS WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO! KNOW THINGS

YATES:

BLUMENTHAL: Ms. Yates, everybody loves you, and these guys are incredible dicks. When those agents went to close an investigation on January 4, 2017, did they know about the Kislyak thing?

YATES: No they didn't. And we didn't need it for an interview.

BLUMENTHAL: Flynn lied to the FBI, correct?

YATES: Yup.

BLUMENTHAL: Bill Barr thinks he's innocent.

YATES: Thank God I don't work for him. It's a bright spot for 2020.

BLUMENTHAL: I just got a TS+ briefing about Russia's continued attack - plus the attack from other nations. DECLASSIFY THE INTEL IMMEDIATELY. TELL THE VOTERS. NOW. BEFORE THE ELECTION.

TED CRUZ (R-Foreign Powers): When did you stop tappping Trump Tower, Ms. Yates? Are you still issuing FISA warrants? HAVE YOU STOPPED BEATING CARTER PAGE, MS. YATES?

YATES:

CRUZ: GOTCHA!

YATES:

CRUZ: I DEMAND THAT ERIC GARLAND REISSUE THE POLL OF WHO IS THE MOST IRRITATING SENATOR, BUT EXPAND IT.

WHO IS THE MOST IRRITATING SENATOR?

CRUZ: You are stalking and tapppping all of Trump.

GRAHAM: That's illegal, Ms. Yates.

CRUZ: How many Trumps have you tappppped and FISA'd?

YATES:

CRUZ: YOU MADE MISTAKES AND NELLIE OHR!

YATES: Well, I

*interrupts Yates in somehow an inexplicably more irritating way than the already irritating other goons*

CRUZ: CARTER PAGE WAS A CIA ASSET. YOU WENT TO THE WHITE HOUSE! BURISMA WAS THERE! THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE

GRAHAM: I know, this is unbelievable.

*interrupts Sally Yates every though she's not even talking*
*attempts to interrupt Sally Yates' internal thoughts*

HIRONO (D-HI): So our elections are under attack by foreign powers.

*silence*

YATES: Aren't you going to interrupt me?

HIRONO: No, why?

YATES: Are you sure? This feels weird.

HIRONO: No, go ahead and answer the question I asked about national security.

YATES: It would feel really unusual. I'm out of practice. I need to practice saying syllables first, then words. I'm not sure I can even complete sentences any more.

HIRONO: We're here for you.

YATES: I. Well. Think.

*Hirono drafts bill expanding funding for occupational therapy to help Sally Yates regain the mental and physical ability to complete sentences without nine old Republicans yelling down the first sound out of her vocal cords*

GRAHAM: EXACTLY! Trump is innocent. What do you say for yourself?

YATES: *nine cells of vocal cords make noise*

GRAHAM: EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT TO SAY BY THE WAY I WILL ANSWER ALL QUESTIONS FOR YOU FOREVER - I WILL BE ORDERING FOR YOU AT RESTAURANTS FROM NOW ON

BLACKBURN (R-AL): So what about this FISA? What made it so special?

YATES: It was about treason.

BLACKBURN: So why wasn't it perfect before it was written?

YATES:

BLACKBURN: Strzok and Page.

YATES:

BLACKBURN: Comey hated Trump.

YATES: GLOMAR. ()

BLACKBURN: So didn't you block Trump from winning?

YATES: No.

BLACKBURN: Yes you did. He never won, we're not in trouble, and we're not going to prison

obama Medvedev you have no problems with that stuff and things and other buzzwords

BLACKBURN (R-*TN): All of Tennessee feels bad for Carter Page and knows all about the FISC, knows what FISC stands for. They know where the FISC is located. And they are obsessed with how it processes warrants. Because Carter Page.

BOOKER (D-NJ): So you shouldn't conspire with hostile foreign intelligence to attack U.S. elections?

YATES: No.

BOOKER: Barr sure is interested in obstructing this Russia investigation, for a hoax, y'know?

BOOKER: Is the Barr stuff bad?

YATES: Yes. Did you see the people quit rather than sign his pleadings? That's your sign, right there.

BOOKER: You actually tried really hard to *not* interfere with the Russian-owned Mob asset running for president. Why not?

YATES: Because the DOJ shouldn't be part of elections. And we had Manafort on UM, SOME IMPORTANT THINGS, HINT HINT, but we even waited in that case.

GRAHAM: OK, we're almost done. What about THE DURHAM REPORT?

YATES:

GRAHAM: I said, DURHAM REPORT. I have to say it for the clips for Facebook tonight, something something Parscale

YATES:

GRAHAM: Dossier.

dossier

*interrupts Yates preemptively*

dossier

I'm in hell

</THREAD>