I& #39;ve been a lot more lurky than usual lately and I feel like I should talk about it. I& #39;m not okay. I haven& #39;t been okay for a while. I& #39;m hanging on to everything by a thread and every day that thread gets closer to breaking.

It& #39;s harder and harder to get myself out of bed each day. It& #39;s harder to go on. I hate myself more than I ever have. I feel like nothing but a burden on everyone I know and I feel guilty for venting to friends because I& #39;ve made them worry about a worthless person like me.

And I feel selfish for it. Other people are going through worse so why should I be upset about anything? Everything I try to do just seems to make me feel worse. I& #39;ve lost all motivation to work on anything. I just want to disappear. I don& #39;t want to exist anymore.

I& #39;ve been hiding from social media and discord and I don& #39;t know how much longer that& #39;s going to last. I& #39;m in a weird middle area where I& #39;m starting to miss interacting with people but I also just want to stay away from everything and keep hiding. I don& #39;t know what to do.

I dont know why I wrote this. I guess this thread is just to let you all know that I& #39;m not dead. I& #39;m not okay. I don& #39;t know how to be okay. I don& #39;t know when I& #39;ll be better. In fact I may get worse. But as of now at least I& #39;m not dead. I& #39;m sorry.