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I've been a lot more lurky than usual lately and I feel like I should talk about it. I'm not okay. I haven't been okay for a while. I'm hanging on to everything by a thread and every day that thread gets closer to breaking.
It's harder and harder to get myself out of bed each day. It's harder to go on. I hate myself more than I ever have. I feel like nothing but a burden on everyone I know and I feel guilty for venting to friends because I've made them worry about a worthless person like me.
And I feel selfish for it. Other people are going through worse so why should I be upset about anything? Everything I try to do just seems to make me feel worse. I've lost all motivation to work on anything. I just want to disappear. I don't want to exist anymore.
I've been hiding from social media and discord and I don't know how much longer that's going to last. I'm in a weird middle area where I'm starting to miss interacting with people but I also just want to stay away from everything and keep hiding. I don't know what to do.
I dont know why I wrote this. I guess this thread is just to let you all know that I'm not dead. I'm not okay. I don't know how to be okay. I don't know when I'll be better. In fact I may get worse. But as of now at least I'm not dead. I'm sorry.
