cw: depression, food, weight

To survive 2 traumatic years I told myself I wouldn’t dare look at a scale, not even at the doctor’s office when I went, and I wouldn’t judge my body for what I put in it or how much weight I gained as long as I stayed alive. I needed that then.
cw: depression, food, weight

that’s the important part. keep going forward one hour at a time, and don’t judge yourself for extra pounds, stretch marks, or for running out of clothes that fit. as long as you can stick around, it’ll be okay.
cw: depression, food, weight

It was only after moving into a safer environment and finally getting a job that I started regaining pieces of myself. I didn’t have to be fully in survival mode. I could let myself notice things that felt not great without being consumed by them.
cw: depression, food, weight

I started by drinking more water. Keeping water bottles nearby all the time helped me to remember.

I thought about starting a 30-day home yoga challenge and picking up my physical therapy workouts again. Not quite there yet, but I’ll get there!
cw: depression, food, weight

I downloaded a diet plan app and paid a small subscription so I could view their in-app recipes complete with grocery lists, recipes, and nutrition information. This doesn’t work for everyone!!! But it worked for me because—
cw: depression, food, weight

—a big obstacle for changing food habits was that I spent two years eating depressed and had limited access to kitchen facilities. I seriously didn’t know how to start shopping healthier or cooking better meals, it was so intimidating!
cw: depression, food, weight

After 3 weeks, I’ve a better sense of how to build nutritious dishes & have a sense of calorie amounts. I hate tracking weight and calories, but in this case I had not been eating enough and then binged when hunger kept me from sleeping.
(booty!!!)
cw: depression, food, weight

Full disclosure, now I target for about 1650 calories per day and stay hydrated af. The healthier food gives me more energ, is better for my brain chemicals, and my skin is clearer. I now just track weight, not calories, and I use the app’s recipes.
cw: depression, food, weight

Right now I just want to keep maintaining this pattern and hopefully soon I will have the spell slots to incorporate more walking and exercise into my routine.
cw: depression, food, weight

It’s hard to say numbers knowing I was 130lbs three years ago, but I started this health-positive journey at 5’8” and 188-190 lbs. I don’t care about numbers but it helps reinforce that my body is getting healthier.

(I don’t have workout shorts lol)
cw: depression food weight

To all my homies out there who may also struggle with food, body image, or health—I see you. I feel you. 2020 is also a VERY stressful year that coincidentally happens to be the right time for me to start this. It might not be for you. That’s OKAY.
The best health advice I can give is to keep hanging in there, don’t be angry, judgemental, or ashamed at your body, and keep doing what you can do until you’re able to do more than just survive. If you can do those things, you’re doing AMAZING. Take your time. I believe in you!
Thanks for sticking with me on this long fucking thread lmao. I was so happy that in spite of a week of bad brain worms my body feels so so good today. Like damn look at this sexy ‘fit!

There will be discouraging days ahead, but I’m happy that I can start to love my body again.
You can follow @mcboots42.
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