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Alright, I& #39;m gonna explain what& #39;s been happening these past few days. I& #39;ve been losing motivation to do pretty much anything really.
Drawing? Yep. Playing games alone? That too. Exercise? Yeah. Sleeping? Can& #39;t sleep at night, only had 3 hours of sleep (6 am - 9 am).
Drawing? Yep. Playing games alone? That too. Exercise? Yeah. Sleeping? Can& #39;t sleep at night, only had 3 hours of sleep (6 am - 9 am).
On top of having issues with gender, sexuality, and overall identity as a person, I feel so lost. It feels like I just lost myself as a person. In addition, mood swings fucking suck, I don& #39;t know why I didn& #39;t have more of them in high school due to depression and anxiety.
Note how I didn& #39;t put a trigger warning. At times like this, I feel like I don& #39;t really care, and that& #39;s right now. I& #39;ve been hitting my limits of socializing and exhausting myself a lot, but I can& #39;t sleep. While some of the meds do help with my mood, I sometimes don& #39;t like them.
For the 400+ followers, why do you follow me still when I barely do anything nowadays? I don& #39;t even have much cursed/blursed Bandori content to give, there& #39;s other people for that anyway. My art is generic, and overall not really good, despite trying to improve.
Along with the fact that I haven& #39;t been really active in any type of fandom. I just retweet stuff and I still haven& #39;t even opened my art account yet, I keep putting things aside to do later, but eventually it turns to not doing it at all. So why? I& #39;m genuinely curious...
It& #39;s not that I& #39;m lazy in my work ethic. Opposite, really. I have the capability to work hard with much effort, but when my motivation starts to dwindle, I just really don& #39;t care and do the bare minimum. What& #39;s wrong with me, is this what people call "burnout"?
Now, I& #39;m just waiting for online classes to start. I don& #39;t know why I didn& #39;t take a year break, I really just don& #39;t know. I honestly don& #39;t have much hope for myself in college, who knows where I& #39;ll end up? I guess I& #39;ll wait and see, things change a lot.
Confession, sometimes I& #39;m just so desperate for interacting, even if I have pushed my limit. It& #39;s because of how lonely I feel, and I realized that recently. Even with friends, I sometimes wonder why people are friends with me, if I can& #39;t admit that to people directly.
I also wonder if I can go too far with what I say, sometimes I wonder if people won& #39;t admit it to me? I sometimes think that people are talking badly about me behind my back. I sometimes wonder if I can be too worried, overbearing, or too passionate.
I think I& #39;m boring. I& #39;m not funny, I don& #39;t have a lot of jokes, nor much talent. Even with my grades that are good, but continue to suffer a bit due to my lack of motivation, I still feel pretty average. If you enjoy interacting with me, why?
I know people say "take a break", I really can& #39;t. That would cause me to lose more motivation and probably would cause me to end up in more of a slump of what to even do with myself. I probably would be just sleeping, napping around, staring at the ceiling for hours.
I know I shouldn& #39;t be saying this, but as I said, I pretty much don& #39;t care. I may regret saying this in the future, but whatever.
Finally, I want to say I do not blame others for my problems. I don& #39;t regret talking with or helping out others. I only blame myself for pushing it.
Finally, I want to say I do not blame others for my problems. I don& #39;t regret talking with or helping out others. I only blame myself for pushing it.
