Thread by @unrealitywaltz, OKAY GANG WHOS READY FOR THE ROOSTER DRAMA SAGA (thread)you may not [...]

OKAY GANG WHOS READY FOR THE ROOSTER DRAMA SAGA (thread)

you may not believe me considering this shit is highly unbelievable but if nothing else i hope youre entertained

so this, of course, starts with the rooster. there is Very Clearly one in the neighborhood, because it very much enjoyed screaming at 3 am. however, we werent sure where it was coming from. we thought it was the house diagonal from us, but we didnt know, so we didnt say anything.

enter nextdoor. nextdoor is a fun little website where you can connect with your neighbors, chat about whatever is going on, and exchange services. you can also say "hey idk who has the rooster but please make it stop crowing at night".

my mom didnt post an address, but one of the people in the comments did, and my mom's post got taken down for "calling someone out". this made mom kind of mad.

however, before the post was taken down, someone named... lets call her "grace" responded to the post. "i have roosters," she says. "i know how to keep them quiet," she says.

mom does not know anyone with this name. she assumes its someone from a more distant house.

nope! it is the neighbor directly behind us. our family knows her as brenna, but apparently she frequently changes her name to avoid legal trouble.

grace apparently also has fake shell companies run out of her home for tax breaks. this becomes relevant later i swear.

grace's rooster is the one raising hell, which my mom quickly realizes because grace's listed address is right behind us, how many fucking people on suburban long island have chickens, and also the fact that she has now contacted my dad.

ohhhh my god.

my dad is the head of his own small business. electrical. hes gotten a LOT of business from nextdoor (remember this fact). however, this also means his personal cell number is plastered all over the site, and grace got a hold of this.

grace is all over his dms and messages, telling him that "your wife is harassing me!!11!!" when a) my mom has already been banned off the site for that one (1) post, and b) we didnt even know she was the one behind us that we know as brenna.

dad is not amused. hes at work, and shes interrupting him. he calls her some fun names and hangs up.

everyone gets home, i have the best laugh of my life as they inform me of what happened, and we all go to bed.

morning. today.

i am fast asleep, which means 80% of my mother's vindictive impulse control is gone and she is cutting the sleeves off her shirts. well, no. shes making a new nextdoor account because she wants to spy on whats happening, and,

as the funniest joke, she puts her name as grace. the same name as the person in question.

this, however, poses a problem because she forgot that nextdoor throws absurd amounts of confetti and blows up the whole site to welcome someone new.

everyone sees a new "grace" enter the site, my mom goes oh fuck, and attempts to nuke this account. however, it isnt letting her do this, and she gets contacted by two lovely people as she tries to.

one is grace, obviously. she goes "who are you" even tho she obviously knows, and mom decides to be a funnyman and goes "who are you" right back. grace calls mom some choice names, mom sighs at this and refuses to answer.

the next is a moderator.

i want to state. moderators are literally just someone in the neighborhood. not sure how they get the job, but im pretty sure you just have to apply and thats it.

its also worth noting this is the moderator that banned mom over the rooster post.

this guy is furious, apparently. his midlife crisis, or perhaps teenage vengeance, involves ripping apart people online and this is way better than reddit.

"youre impersonating!!1!!1! youre gonna get arrested!"

mom looks into the camera like shes on the office.

she basically tells him to help her delete the account, which he does. done and done.

so now the standings are:
mom: no nextdoor account. still angry.
dad: still getting his phone blown up by grace. annoyed.
grace: talking with the moderator behind the scenes.
moderator: eating out of grace's hand
me: passed the fuck out.

look. idk if grace like. paid him, or he just thinks shes a milf, or w/e. either way, this guy is clearly simping for her, and not in the haha funny way.

either way, the moderator puts the cherry on top of all this by making a post.

"(parents' names) at (address) have been lying. according to grace, the rooster in question does not make any noise (false). the only reason they know it exists is because their house overlooks the coop (also false). also their dog barks day and night (MEGA false)."

if you thought my parents were mad before. oh boy. ohhh boy.

remember: my dad gets a lot of business from nextdoor. some neighbors who know him were already sticking up for him, but that wasnt enough. being called a liar would mean his business would take a hit.

so now we are in neighborhood war. several other neighbors who like my family have joined in, reporting grace to the site. my dad has gotten some publicity.

mom, on the other hand, has gone all out.

first of all: the moderator. ring ring. hello nextdoor. your moderator has been shit. he slandered me on your site. i am going to go full karen and threaten to sue. lol hes fired? awesome. have a nice day.

and grace.

remember those shell companies?

ring ring. hello irs. yes shes committing tax fraud. isnt that funny?

ring ring. hello town board. did you know she has a bunch of sheds on her property that she isnt paying taxes on? lol isnt that so funny?

and now that this thread is finished, i will be going onto nextdoor and sticking up for my parents wherever i can.

(bows) fuck roosters.

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