I wish i could retain/cultivate friendships but I simply cannot. I wont write, I won& #39;t call, I won& #39;t think of anyone who isn& #39;t in the room with me. Whats the fucking disorder name for that because its a crushingly lonely way to live and idgaf what therapists say its not anxiety

I dont have anxiety other than regular day to day stuff. I just get fucken bored and if something is boring its really hard to force myself to care/do it and its shitty because that makes me objectively an asshole like when a friend tells me about their baby and I tune out

Or when someone wants to plan something for the weekend and I literally cannot because the future isn& #39;t even real. Or when someone wants to sit around rehashing good memories and i cannot give a shit about it because that already happened and I was there why are we wasting time

Reading about adult ADHD and nodding serenely*

*fidgeting uncontrollably and saying fuck*

Almost certain I have adult adhd and im ripping mad like now I have to deal with this? Absolutely not. 2020 can suck my energetic dick