Read on Twitter
TRIGGER WARNING As you can see, I did not use the updated tags.
I might mention the boys on this thread because they're one of my reasons to continue but I won't tag the accounts for an obvious reason.
I chose to share these here on Twitter instead on Facebook because I am friends with all of my family, relatives, and closest friends. Nobody knows who I really am here aside from a small number of people that I allowed to.
I used to talk about my problems. I do inform my mom, cousins, college friends, and even to random colleagues but as time passes by, I am starting to exclude myself from everyone.
It always feels like, I am just giving them an additional problem. Sharing a problem means the other person would think of a solution for you or a piece of advice as a form of help but none of those are helping me anymore and I think I am wasting their time.
I am the type of person who won't get tired of listening to your rants, thoughts, to anything you want to talk about but I can't do the same on others. It's been a while since I stopped talking on messenger because I can't keep a conversation going anymore.
I still reply to my friends but I would just cut it off even if we're in the middle of a topic. I'd stop replying back because I can't feel what I'm saying anymore. My mind is always clouded with thoughts. Thoughts that can k/ill me.
I am tired. I am traumatized. I can't see my future anymore. This is the time that I want to admit that I still have it. I survived counts of attempts before yet I'm still trying to do them again.
I think, the reason why I'm still alive is because I know inside that I really don't want to d/ie yet but I want to release all the pain I have inside. I want that ending but I don't want to hurt the people who keeps on telling me that they love me.
If ever my spirit will have a few days to stay, I don't want to see them crying on my f/uneral while I cannot wipe away their tears. I don't want people to come at my w/ake saying the words that I wanted to hear while I'm still alive.
My mom is emotionally weak. I am really tired and damaged but I am always wearing a sweet smile everytime she's in front of me because I don't want her to have an idea that her first daughter wants to surrender.
@/SB19Official is a big help for me. I am really, really trying to focus on them. I am so thankful to each and every member but if there will be someone that I'd like to thank personally, it's no other than @/JoshCullen_s. I can't tell everyone why.
They're still keeping the light in my mind. The last spark of my sanity. I am also thankful of course to the people who are still there for me everyday. I am still here for everyone.
I did not create this thread to gain attention but I want my best pals here to have an idea in case something unexpected occurred. I know it's plain stupid to say "don't worry" but this is me so yeah. Don't worry about me.i
I need to let it all out. It's really sad to think that my mind is full but my heart feels empty.
;
