I really hate the whole idea of bridezillas.

Like this word was supposed to mean people who went over the top on their weddings, and I have the internet, I know that’s a thing.

But we use it anytime someone isn’t happy-go-lucky about wedding planning. That sucks.

Wedding planning is hard. I had a panic attack while wedding planning. I went back to therapy while wedding planning.

Wedding planning sucks and the amount of pressure on people is indescribable. It’s so personal and yet so public at the same time.

And there’s an expectation of a performance. Everyone expects you to be so happy and magical. Everyone also expects you to be a fucking monster over every detail. And some days, some details, you don’t give a shit about, and no one knows how to deal with that.

It’s fucking heartbreaking to explain to your own mother that you won’t be having flowers at the wedding because you’re allergic, and to have her flip out about how there needs to be SOMETHING.

And then have the same conversation with your mother-in-law.

Some things you don’t give a shit about. My husband had to explain to a vendor that he didn’t want to drive out to their warehouse to view their different backdrops. They’d staged the place before, here’s the money, just make it happen. We trust you. Just do it.

The first wedding dress I bought couldn’t actually be altered the way it was pinned when I bought it. I stood in the change room, welling up, 6 weeks before the wedding, not wanting to make a scene or be difficult and hating how I looked and felt in that dress.

My husband told me to go back and get something that made me happy. But it took him an hour to convince me to do it. Luckily when I went back the woman who sold me the dress was there. She took one look at me and said “Oh this won’t do.”

On the day of my wedding, I was absolutely vibrating with the pressure of everything happening smoothly and the pressure of the magical.

The receiving line was non-stop “do you feel any different?” And actually, I was thinking about the little flags for the cupcake flavours.

I’d finished making them the night before. Cupcakes wouldn’t get there until we were doing pics. A friend’s girlfriend was supposed to get there early, get to the cupcakes once they were delivered, and put the flags in the right flavours.

I didn’t know if that had happened.

You’re probably reading this and thinking “Gee Erynn why not just go to city hall?”

My friends. Weddings are not about the people getting married. Neither of us are religious but we had two priests marry us to make up for not getting married in my husband’s mother’s church. TWO.

You spend a year or more planning every single detail of this massive, expensive, emotionally charged event. A cacophony of expectations. And then you’re supposed to walk around all day like it’s a magical fairy tale surprise.

And everyone is staring at you. The whole time.

Anyway, if you know someone planning a wedding just reach out and say “hey, wedding planning can suck sometimes. If you ever need to talk to someone without the expectation of you being a Disney Princess, I’m here.”

I’ve offered this to everyone and they all take me up on it.

I love being married. My husband is awesome. Putting on a wedding was the most difficult and stressful thing I’ve ever done. But it would’ve been a lot easier if people just acknowledged that it was hard and there was nothing magical about it.