Hi there twitter aluminati.

With the lockdown causing me and many worldwide residents indoors and into all manner of pointless activities, I tried some artistic painting but got bored and thought why not watch some moving paintings (films) .

I’ve been watching up to 4 films

a day.

Anyway the idea of another white man hosting a film review show was quite literally shat on (note:not literally) by BBC commissioners. Thanks Norman and Ross (RIP)!

I’ll be posting my film reviews here for your enjoyment although as I write I have no followers

My assistant has just pointed out to me that my use of emojis might be a little too vague for the twitterverse. (She runs the local church twitter account for one month and thinks she’s bloody Kim Kardashian)

I disagree, I’m sure you guys know what I’m taking about

Also she has rightly informed me that I have put a bracketed Rest In Peace abbreviation next to Ross (Jonathan) and not Norman (Barry) .

I’m sorry if this has upset any of the Ross family who is no doubt safe and sound tucked up in an ITV penthouse with some porn stars

My assistant has just informed me that I can’t say Ross (Jonathan) is in an itv penthouse with any porn stats .

I would like to apologise for any distress I have caused to the Ross family

That last tweet was meant to apologise for any Porn Stars with Jonathan Ross and not Porn stats. I assume you all realised that.

Unless he was being blackmailed for his porn use stats by an international terrorist agency, that sounds like a film I’d watch (Lynne note that)