Read on Twitter
it's 2 am and I should be crawling into bed, but i'm awake and catching up on everything i ignored online today
i guess i'm chatting now, because i found this thread while looking through another artist's profile. (pretty arts, might follow) but the thread was a list of ways and steps for increasing one's audience and business opportunities as an artist online.
now, i more or less agreed with the entire thread. but also... it made me very very exhausted. and this has a lot to do with so many factors. internet algorithm shit, parasocial relationship stuff, my own adhd-depression-anxiety-handbasket-to-hell, and capitalism in general
obviously, some of this stuff is systematic shit that's great for people with big audiences and kind of kills small audience creators. and the apparent way for a small time artist to beat that is to hustle hustle hustle, engage engage engage, stump create promote
and, i'm not saying an artist shouldn't work hard to get their audience. i just feel like the mountain climb to get there may be more difficult than it should be. it's more than discouraging to do the hustle, and get no response, because algorithm. it breaks people
this aspect is also very painful to deal with, when one has adhd or anxiety or any other similar obstacles. I know in my case that rejection sensitive dysphoria, one of my adhd symptoms, makes the promoting and the retweeting/reblogging, and all of that, really really painful
so, now i come around to mental health. my rsd is one of my personal hurdles. and i recognize that the internet is not responsible for that. but i also have to recognize that it feeds my exhaustion here. to engage on this level, i need to have a handle on my mental health.
my mental health vs the system of the internet, is a showdown that I don't enjoy. i still have problems with forgetting to take my meds, or sleeping too much, or being unsure of how to talk to new people without acting creepy/weird/annoying
(and i publish thread, ending with a half drafted tweet, before i'm ready, woops)
continuing...
continuing...
At the same time, I crave engagement. Adhd need for connection maybe? Quite possibly. I made a cake and want to share? Definitely.
