“Don’t be so dramatic/emotional” is an interesting class of statement. It’s generally ineffective at achieving its implied goal of reducing... “volatility”, or “loud noises”.

Which leads to a few possible interpretations of the person making the statement

1. the person doesn’t understand other people, ie has poor models of others

2. the person *does* understand other people, and is choosing to make this utterance regardless because...

2a. incapable of restraint

2b. unwilling to exercise restraint

2c. they want drama

Which suggests a diagnostic question in response: “Are you stupid, incompetent, selfish, or exactly that which you despise?”

Definitely use it on your partner the next time they ask you to stop being emotional, it will surely go well

I personally tend to find that one of the best ways to “reduce volatility” is to acknowledge it and to approach it with benign curiosity.

“You have strong feelings about this”

“yes!!!”

“Why?”

“Well,”

depends on the situation though, of course. as with everything

Sometimes if they’re really kind of hyperfixated, it makes sense to distract them for a bit, options ranging from “what happened?” (get them to start telling the story) to “did you have breakfast today? what did you eat” (nudge them away for a bit to get some breathing room)

https://twitter.com/kirsten3531/status/1290586785412722688?s=21 https://twitter.com/kirsten3531/status/1290586785412722688

I once witnessed a masterful exchange on twitter where a woman was distraught at having suddenly lost her husband, and another woman came in deftly with “tell us about him. how did you meet?”, interspersed it with “have you eaten”, etc, I still think about it it was SO skillful

Similar: https://twitter.com/coolvnkt/status/880629466812338176?s=21 https://twitter.com/coolvnkt/status/880629466812338176

Found the exchange I mentioned earlier. I feel like learning how to do this is just as important and powerful as learning CPR, if not more so. Psychological first aid