A while back (pre-lockdown because we were in a crowded cafe) a friend and I were talking about how hard it is to pursue creative interests, particularly as a career change, when you're a mother. (her: comedy; me: writing)

We decided that mothers should have some sort of 'skip ahead' programme, some sort of leg up in these creative industries where you have to toil in the trenches for years before you get anywhere. Because we don't have the free time or ability to drop our careers with a family

And boy I'm feeling that today. I'm putting all this energy into a (good) job that I know I'm lucky to have, but every project I do and every word I write I resent, because they aren't the words I want to write.

And yeah I know there are ppl who started later in life after their kids were up (do you know how much it sucks to have to defer your dreams?) Or ppl who managed to 'make it' when they had kids (unusual and so, so hard).

I don't mean the ones who had kids when they were already 'established'. I mean the ones who realised belatedly they had a love for something, or their existing creativity wasn't quenched by doing a creative-adjacent job and they wanted to do it full-time.

I also know that not having kids doesn't guarantee creative success. But having kids & the gendered nature of caring in society means the burden falls more on mothers. So those extra hours in comedy clubs or writing shitty 1st drafts for practice just aren't there.

Maybe I'm complaining too much. But I dream of a world where we don't have to hustle for a living, where our needs are met enough so that we can be creative without feeling like it's too selfish. Like its a choice between our kids' material suffering or our own existential one.

So anyway. Someday when I'm a world famous writer (ha!) I'm going to start a fund for parents (spec mothers) for extra support for creative work. Maybe to finance childcare or a writing retreat, or a mentorship. Anything, anything, so they know creativity is for them, too.