why does it not ONCE occur to Edward that maybe he can't hear Bella's thoughts because she doesn't have any

oh my god I forgot that Midnight Sun opens with Edward making an extremely detailed plan to murder twenty kids so he can crack Bella open like a can of Sprite

okay so far Edward has put on both a "relaxing CD" and a "violent CD" in his car. any guesses? I'm thinking the former was the Wii theme music and the latter was a compilation of Disney villain songs. just fucking going OFF to Jeremy Irons, the voice of Scar

pisstits? cockwomble? or, alternatively, did he just scream the c word

nothing is funnier to me than Edward repeatedly reminding himself to "keep it light, keep it light" in his head and then when Bella finally comes to sit with him at lunch he says "I DECIDED AS LONG AS I WAS GOING TO HELL, I MIGHT AS WELL DO IT THOROUGHLY" way to keep it light bro

presented without comment

he brings oil to grease her bedroom window hinge so it doesn't squeak when he climbs through it without her knowledge to sit in her rocking chair and watch her sleep all night. what a dreamboat

I love this for her. I mean thank god right

I am still reading Midnight Sun but I just got to like ten pages of Edward asking Bella all her favourite foods and TV shows like they're practicing for a GCSE Spanish oral exam and I'm tired. he asks her if she likes Coke or Pepsi and she says, I shit you not, Dr Pepper

(the underworld is his penis)

Edward just described Bella touching the back of his hand as "beyond any pleasure he'd ever felt" which raises quite a few questions for me (they're all about wanking)

I regret to inform you that Bella is throbbing wetly