i have been audibly booing at midnight sun for half an hour now

hope everyone is ready for a day of midnight sun content

fyi, if you are reading midnight sun, ESPECIALLY if you spent money on it, you also gotta give money to the quileute tribe, that's god's law not mine: https://mthg.org/ 

stephanie made a shitload of money off the backs of this tribe and they have seen so little of it! ok back to moody vampires

if i was a vampire i would simply not attend high school. rip to the cullens but i’m different

me when i see a hot girl

maybe edward just thought he wanted to murder bella because he had never experienced horniness before. happens to the best of us honestly

me when i have a crush on a hot girl

this is just what working in customer service is like

i can only assume he is talking about one direction's midnight memories

edward’s favorite topic for his internal monologue is how stupid and boring all humans’ thoughts are so it’s honestly surprising that he has such a problem with murdering them

me at sleepaway camp realizing i'm gay

if the love of my immortal life referred to me as "unremarkable" as many times as edward does in the first 20 pages of midnight sun i simply do not believe we would be able to have a long-term relationship. RIP to bella but i'm different

stephanie i don't want to tell you how to do your job but while i can suspend my disbelief to vampires i draw the line at a love for men stopping 3 vampire sisters from murder. have you met men

nothing screams "casual" and "effortless" like having to consider what the correct expression to have on your face is

hate when i'm stalking a girl through the thoughts of a boy and he's embarrassing and possessive so i gotta switch to stalking her through a girl's thoughts

what is this, the salvatore brothers in an episode of the hit cw television show the vampire diaries

for someone who spends so long rambling about his own impulse control edward sure has a hard time realizing that it's not feigned friendship to have actions that differ from your thoughts, no wonder his only friend is a volvo

i have been jealous and annoyed at pretty much all of my friends at least once but i'm a human being who can hold multiple things in my head & heart at once so it's easy not to be a huge bitch to them even while feeling those feelings it's not FEIGNED FRIENDSHIP edward i hate you

tag yourself i'm rosalie

edward exclusively referring to bella as "the girl" for the first hundred pages of this book is actually hysterical to me sorry

word for word the exact description i used for my self-insert buffy the vampire slayer fanfiction when i was 12

you've heard the term "conventionally attractive" now get ready for

meanwhile bella can't stop thinking about wanting to bone him

EDWARD: she thinks i'm REPULSIVE and WEIRD and i FRIGHTEN HER
BELLA:

TOOK A BREAK TO DROP OFF SUPPLIES, reminder that my friends and i are trying to make 400 hygiene kits for unhoused people in los angeles by 8/16 and you can buy something off this wishlist to help: https://tinyurl.com/unhousedla 

now back to the vampires! i have andre and tropicana and an unimpressed cat who has heard me yell "son of a BITCH" like 8 times this morning

you've heard of "glaring" now get ready for

this is going to be my new dating app bio

oh yeah edward BELLA is the dumb bitch for asking if you got contacts when your eyes LITERALLY changed color since the last time she saw you

the funniest fucking thing about midnight sun BY FAR is how edward, who can READ MINDS, is constantly talking about how weird and off-putting humans find the cullens because they're vampires when it's obviously actually because they're all super hot and teenagers are disasters

as if there's not at least five girls who literally spend all their time at school fantasizing about marrying the only non-incesty vampire hottie

me when a hot girl strings together one (1) coherent sentence

bella takes one AP bio class and suddenly she's better than the rest of humanity i see how it is EDWARD

narrative parallels

honestly you dumbasses deserve each other

me every time i talked to customer about my cervix to hip ratio

i cannot explain why edward cullen knowing every major and minor league baseball player is sending me into hysterics but it is. the only narrative consistency we've ever gotten from steph is that vampires love baseball

ok stephanie speak for yourself

"unlike most humans" lmao stop telling on the mormon church challenge

ran out of tropicana so now i am just drinking andre at 1pm thinking about the cullens' financial situation

ugh isn't it just so CUTE and FUNNY when girls get mad??? (lady anger is cute and funny because we generally don't snap and murder someone...like a vampire, or some guy who shoots out a restaurant because a girl rejected him)

HATE it when a girl turns out to have deep thoughts and an inner world and as a result i am forced to kill her

edward i regret to inform you that this call is coming from inside the house

i am 1/10th of the way through this book. stephanie please i am begging you to get a better editor

i'm a prison abolitionist but edward cullen should literally be in jail

hit him with your truck bella. let's see how dangerous he thinks you are THEN

thinking about alice calling jasper "jazz." imagine if you were over 100 years old and your psychic girlfriend insisted on calling you "jazz." no wonder he's so prone to murder

me when i get emotional about my car's tires

the inherent romance of referring to someone as an "uninvited focal point"

edward cullen invented gaslighting

is this the yellow wallpaper (1892)

wait fuck this is actually interesting god damn it

i'm a sucker for a lore expansion

god i wish i was reading about how carlisle heisted a hassam instead of edward's vampire diary

lmao edward my man please chill you are one hundred human years old

hey stephanie quick question, what the fuck

i regret learning how to read

ohhhh there's nothing "like" about you, my friend

rosalie remains the only bitch in this house i respect

ok i am honestly dying about the cullens having an entire conversation about whether or not they can get away with killing bella and then like 2 weeks later serving her italian food

god babe tell me about it

telling the state of california that my eye color is "full of secrets"

sir you are the TEACHER

fellas is it gay to be tormented by a hot jock from the pacific northwest

actually, both of you deserve to be gone girled

man....just talk to her dude

i finished the andre and yet am only a fifth of the way through this book, i am never going to finish this book, stephanie you need a better editor and i need a NAP

?????//??//?/????????///??????????????/

you ever get day drunk on $7 prosecco and accidentally fall asleep for 2 hours??? anyway, we’re back baby!!! this is the longest book i have ever read and i read contact in 5th grade

edward listing all the illegal shit the cullens do and putting insider trading before murder...what are you, an establishment democrat,

meanwhile, bella is like "we're planning a june wedding"

oh wow bummer

cool motive, still murder

best midnight sun bit is edward constantly complaining about how creepy and obsessed with bella mike is while he's stalking her using other people's minds

edward you WERE human

turns out this CD was debussy but i'm honestly still imagining edward losing it to strong written by louis tomlinson https://twitter.com/zoenone0none/status/1290659257038372867?s=20

edward's other consistent thought is that bella is smarter than everyone else at school even though she's the only one stupid enough to fall in love with a hundred-year-old serial killer vampire

this is heterosexual culture

EDWARD: i can't believe i'm going to have to murder someone for her
ALICE: you don't have to
EDWARD: no i'm gonna

wow sorry that we can't all be supernaturally hot because of MAGIC edward

keep going stephanie you're almost there

siri define "grooming"

the gall. the nerve. the absolute audacity of mr edward "vampire who was born in 1901" cullen telling someone they don't seem seventeen

as a girl whose brother who is the proud owner of a drum kit i honestly get this

get a JOB stay AWAY from her

nothing says "normal healthy relationship" like greasing your beloved's windows so that she won't wake up in the middle of the night when you break in to watch her sleep

me when i see a 17yo girl dating a 30yo man. or a 104 year old man

tell me about it

i am now 1/4th of the way through the book and i am tapping out for today. i want stephanie to get a better editor and me to get a better brain, because this is gonna take FOREVER

anyway this will probably keep going tomorrow because i'm a nightmare but if i at any point made you laugh with this thread you should donate $5 to the quileute move to higher ground project: https://mthg.org/ 

me reading midnight sun https://twitter.com/avatarswift/status/1288819283343147008

in my opinion every girl at forks high school should be allowed to most dangerous game edward

lmfao just text her dude

wow someone should tell this dude about the violence against women statistics, he's gonna LOSE it

me when i scroll past a picture of chris pine on the tl

me when i don't believe in opposite gender friendship

like 85% of this book is edward complaining about not being able to know everything about bella all the time because he can't read her mind, a thing that is true for literally every other person on the entire planet

i don't know if this is a mormon thing or a typo but either way i have been chortling and saying "holy crow!" out loud to no one for the past 3 minutes

jesus christ edward is such a DICK

you know what stephanie...fuck you https://mthg.org/ 

oh my god????? edward making an entire plan to 5150 bella because she is down with vampirism?????? no wonder rob leaked the book

narrative parallels: midnight sun // the vampire diaries

sidebar: i have discovered that there is an FAQ for every twilight book on steph's page and l m a o

edward has some nerve saying this when he has literally spent the entire first third of this stupid book moaning about how repulsive bella must find him and how WEIRD and OFF-PUTTING everyone thinks he is

oh my GOD edward shut up all your problems are your own fault and you could fix them at literally any time

a selection of texts i have received from @mnmnadams about midnight sun (screenshot on iphone, 2020)

i will give steph this, she is correct about the level of sexual tension inherent in a teacher putting on a film during class

well i took a nap and got myself another bottle of andre and by god i will make it to the halfway point in this book tonight or die trying

genuinely furious at steph for teasing this concept and not following through in any way while she spends 90% of this book on edward's guilt/lack of guilt over watching bella sleep

huge get for linkin park

A SIX HOUR ADAPTATION IS NOT A MOVIE STEPHENIE THAT IS A TELEVISION MINISERIES

i have approx 109 questions about this, the first being: why the fuck is this in here, were you even paying an editor or

forget the murder and tax evasion, this is actually the biggest crime in the twilight books

can't imagine longing to spend eternity with someone who has such terrible opinions

me booting up my illicit limewire account in 2007

as opposed to other people, who historically do well in cages

we are rosalie stans first and human beings second

the only 2 options when one experiences horniness

anyway i am now halfway through this book, which is the longest book i have EVER READ

[laughing nervously] what the fuck

look, i'm sorry, but it's 2020 and if you have werewolves in your story you are not under any circumstances allowed to title a chapter in your book "the knot"

stephenie talks about seat belts eight (8) times over the course of midnight sun, which is at least 7 too many times to talk about seat belts in your vampire book

me going on a date

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

can i recommend 10mg of lexapro

CARLISLE: i made edward a vampire
ROSALIE: you fucked up a perfectly good human is what you did. look at him, he's got anxiety

rob when he found out about kristen and the snow white director

get it? it's funny because edward is an ACTUAL serial killer

https://twitter.com/zoenone0none/status/1291054381278752769?s=20

EDWARD: i'm a MONSTER, you DON'T UNDERSTAND, i guess i'll have to SHOW YOU [stands in sunlight and starts sparkling]
BELLA: is it......is something else gonna happen, or

if i was dating a vampire who sparkled in the sun my favorite bit would be throwing glitter all over myself and then walking dramatically around their frank lloyd wright house moaning about how i was an unloveable monster

jesus christ steph we get it, straight people can do math

edward there's people that are dying

me every time i was forced to apologize to one of my classmates in middle school

narrative parallels: midnight sun (2020)/phantom thread (2017)

stephenie had to come up with a reason edward says the stupid "and so the lion fell in love with the lamb" thing but now i just wish i was reading a book about carlisle collecting art and visiting every church he happens to walk past

i have been informed that mormons don't believe in oral but i am just saying that it kind of seems like stephanie might have a passing interest in the topic

me when i made out with a girl in a public bathroom in 2010

KNOT THIS......BESTIAL THAT..........STEPH WHERE IS YOUR BETA

me after the green knight finally comes out

that's what she said

get it? it's funny because he's 104 years old and she's a teenager and he was already attending high school for the 23rd time when she was 3

nothing says "insignificant" like hating someone more than you've ever hated anyone in your 104 years on this planet

edward is honestly so rude about rosalie through this whole book. gentleman my ASS

here's the thing: they may not be able to have traditional sex but if edward had manned the fuck up and gone down on bella like ONE TIME i feel like she would've chilled on the vampirism thing. but he did not because mormons, once again, apparently do not believe in oral

i am a very fast reader but even getting through a quarter of midnight sun every day is a task on par with anything tom cruise does in any mission impossible movie

bella please you are 17 human years old

me and my parasocial relationship with taylor swift

we all made fun of miss steph about the khaki skirt thing so she just wanted to make sure we ALL KNEW that it was actually the BLUE SHIRT that edward was referring to

this is wangxian appropriation and i will not tolerate it

stephenie if you give me a million dollars i will ghostwrite the carlisle novel for you i am not kidding DMs are open

chapter 20 of this book is called "carlisle" and yet i am forced to read pages and pages of edward thinking about the guy he killed who was grateful that he had been stopped from raping and murdering a child, a thing that edward feels guilt over for some reason

finally some good fucking food

rosalie remains the most relatable character in twilight

she has never done anything wrong in her life

today...is the day........i'm finally going to finish midnight sun, which i think is probably the longest piece of literature ever written.* i finished anna karenina faster than this!!!!

*excluding that one super smash bros fanfic that's like 4 million words

apparently rosalie's vampire superpower is her "beauty" but that mostly presents as everyone she meets immediately wanting to possess her, i would also be a huge bitch as a defense mechanism if i was already a rape survivor. edward you read minds how do you have no empathy

me when joe biden said most people love their healthcare

you've heard of "talking normally" now get ready for

alice can you pls take a break from looking at bella's future to see if edward gets redpilled

is he, y'know, (mimes having a crush on carlisle) not acknowledged by the mormon church

oh ok he's GAY gay

petition to replace whatever the current motto of arizona is with this

RIP to all the people who were injured and died in a 27-car-pileup so that edward could save bella from a vampire that she turned herself in to

genuinely think that if this dude had ever had one (1) orgasm in his entire life he would've been able to handle everything better

fun fact: if you did something, that actually makes it the opposite of impossible

oh bella my sweet summer child it's almost like you haven't been reading 600 pages of edward's internal misogyny

wow. wow. we finally made it. i can't stop crying kids. i'd like to thank my imbalanced brain chemistry, 2 bottles of andre, california's recreational marijuana policy, and @mnmnadams for getting me to this point

NO thanks to stephenie's editor, who i am not convinced exists

edward spends the last 2 chapters of this book bringing up how hot bella's mom is like every third paragraph, but on the other hand i guess she is slightly more age appropriate than the girl he's actually dating

i feel like maybe some of you think this a joke but unfortunately it is steph's truth that edward is absolutely weirdly into bella's mom

YOU AND ME BOTH STEPH

in conclusion: the real hero of this book is rosalie cullen and also me for making it through it. edward spends 400 pages starting every thought with "as a misogynist and virgin." stephenie should get someone off ao3 to beta her work since her editor clearly won't do it.

END OF THREAD: please donate to the quileute tribe because you fucking know that stephenie doesn't give them a cent of the millions that she's made off them and their culture: https://mthg.org/