Lessons I Learned Over the Years on How to Deal with Fandom Drama: A Thread

Just want to share the things I learned and I try to personally apply when dealing with most fandom issues. These might not apply to everyone since we all have different ways of dealing but these lessons helped me fangirl more enjoyably and peacefully.

1. I try not to generalize. The words of one or even a few fans don't represent the whole fandom so I refrain from saying sweeping statements like "why has *fandom name* become so sensitive now?", "*fandom* is so toxic", etc. This helps avoid making a mountain out of a molehill.

2. I don't have to react to everything. When there's a controversial tweet, I check the replies. When someone already said what I wanted to say, I don't see the value of qrt-ing and repeating the exact same thing since the message was already sent across by another person.

Honestly, there were several petty issues in the past that I think could have been solved between the parties on their own quietly but so many people jumped in with their own thoughts and opinions that things blew out of proportion.

3. I try to understand both sides. Sometimes, I think about how much drama could have been saved if we only thought about someone's intention instead of just what they said. Example is the "calling a kpop boy mom" issue.

If those who don't like it think "Ahh others do it because the members refers to him that way too. They don't purposely do it to misgender him." and if those who are ok with it think "Ahh others are uncomfortable with it because they don't want him to be misgendered. They're not

speaking up for the sake of policing other fans." wouldn't we all have a better and more peaceful way of communicating and educating each other then? This helps me not to be defensive and not to take things personally.

4. I don't let my emotions overpower my reasoning. When something angers/hurts me, I step back and take some time to think before speaking up or reacting. Emotions are always valid, yes. But the actions we do because of those emotions almost always have consequences.

5. If I have a problem with someone, I tell them by dm. If I don't have the guts to tell them personally, I try not to shade them on tweets. My personal rule of thumb is that if I can't tell something straight to a person's face, I have no right to post it online. Jokes included.

6. I try to understand that we have different contexts. We were all brought up in different cultures. We have different mindsets. We are also of different ages and maturity. Realizing this helped me a lot to understand other people better.

I once had this discussion with a mutual about another friend's situation via dm. I was offended by what she said and thought "how can she be so immature?" but then another friend pointed out that this mutual is 10 years younger than me. That's when I realized that being on stan

twt makes us friends with people who we might not be able to be friends with irl so we often forget that we are so different here. That realization made me understand her more. "I probably would have reacted the same way or worse if this happened when I was a teen"

7. If someone's obviously a troll, an anon hater, a fake account or even someone who obviously just wants to rile up fans, I totally ignore or at least not engage at all. These people want any reaction and if we give it to them then they are incentivized to do it again.

Of course there are exceptions to these personal rules. Those would include:

a. If fake info has been circulating and people outside the fandom are believing in the fake info. (i.e. incorrect baby pic)

b. Rumors that could directly affect the members

c. Other extreme cases (i.e. supporting murderers, rapists and incompetent leaders without empathy thereby contributing to the oppression of the underprivileged but that's another story hehe)

How do I gauge whether to get involved or not?

It really depends. For example, I see a new twitter account saying "xx is not talented". It's obviously a hate tweet that is not true. We all know it's not true. People outside the fandom know it's not true. I ignore 100%.

Meanwhile, fake info circulating with thousands of engagements and a lot of people believing the fake info, I try to educate nicely. This is always the first step for me. If the person replies with hate, I keep my calm and reply with logic.

Almost always the result would be you will come to a rational conclusion and agreement with each other even if you disagree (if the person is rational) or they self-destruct (i.e. makabayan) and stop replying at all (which just shows you who they really are).

If in the end they continue to post shady or hate tweets, I mute, report or block them. I rarely mute or block but I have done it in a few cases.

This is long but I have been wanting to share this with everyone for quite some time. In the end, I am not telling you to do this or not do that. It's your twitter after all. But just in case you're wondering how I am able to last in the fandom for so long, these are my tips. :)

Enjoy fangirling, everyone!

One last thing: These are things I learned and still learning over the years. I didn't know about these when I was new to stan twt too. So just a reminder to help educate each other &​ just try to understand each other as much as we can instead of being frustrated w/ each other.