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I'm sorry to interrupt your day with something serious, but it's important.
Cw: Sex, survival, stigma
Not all survivors of sexual assault react, recover, or live on in the same way. We've a stereotype that they'll all meek and scared of sex. It's false.
Cw: Sex, survival, stigma
Not all survivors of sexual assault react, recover, or live on in the same way. We've a stereotype that they'll all meek and scared of sex. It's false.
Many survivors of sexual assault, regardless of the category, develop coping mechanisms later in life. Some of those coping mechanisms are shamed - even weaponized against survivors as if to suggest they are now the same as their abuser, or that they wanted the abuse.
I'm not going to go more in depth with what those mechanisms might be. I shouldn't have to. Frankly, it isn't our business.
But, as supposed allies and guardians of survivors, our end of the community often doubles down on their trauma by speculating on their sex lives.
But, as supposed allies and guardians of survivors, our end of the community often doubles down on their trauma by speculating on their sex lives.
One thing you have to understand is that trauma rewires your brain. For many, many people it rewires the way they experience the whole realm of sex.
The stereotype is that they're fragile, frigid, and run from the mere mention. Some do, and that's ok, but it's not universal.
The stereotype is that they're fragile, frigid, and run from the mere mention. Some do, and that's ok, but it's not universal.
Some will turn to art, writing, music, pornographic experiences, BDSM, and roleplays that take elements of their trauma and allow them to sort of...record over, to a degree, the violation.
These are things many of us balk at upon first glance, but pause. Put your taste aside.
These are things many of us balk at upon first glance, but pause. Put your taste aside.
That peculiar engagement that causes pearl clutching allows the individual to replace something painful with something pleasurable. Survivors are not likely to ever forget their experiences; it's 100% understandable to build a replacement sensation of arousal to divert from pain.
These things, no matter how taboo or alarming they may be upon first glance, -can- absolutely be perfectly healthy and therapist/psychiatry approved.
Please take note: I am leaving plenty of room for some cases to be unhealthy and even dangerous.
Please take note: I am leaving plenty of room for some cases to be unhealthy and even dangerous.
The most we, as outsiders, should truly be concerned about is that all parties involved are consenting adults who have access to the support they need.
Please, please be cautious when engaging in armchair discussions about kinks and voluntary sexual hobbies.
Please, please be cautious when engaging in armchair discussions about kinks and voluntary sexual hobbies.
It's not uncommon for a survivor to have violent, taboo fantasies -- the thing is, it's most often still themselves on the receiving end. It may be confusing and counter-intuitive, but it's sort of taking back control.
They control the fantasy, they choose who to trust.
They control the fantasy, they choose who to trust.
They choose their partner, establish boundaries, acceptable pressure/positions/etc. They might even choose to never make it physical and channel it into writing or art.
The key, as with everything, is consent. No party's safety or comfort violated in any way.
The key, as with everything, is consent. No party's safety or comfort violated in any way.
I know this is massively uncomfortable for many people and I thank you for reading all of this, especially if you are in that category.
This thread brought to you by finding out someone I love has been receiving death threats for opening up about their trauma.
This thread brought to you by finding out someone I love has been receiving death threats for opening up about their trauma.
Please also understand that this is not the place to debate the nuances of what is or is not over the line. This thread ultimately comes down to:
Hey. Sometimes we suck at minding our own business. Peel your eyes and pay attention to that line so you don't step over it.
Hey. Sometimes we suck at minding our own business. Peel your eyes and pay attention to that line so you don't step over it.
And in case you or anyone you know is struggling with trauma, here's a decent list of places to turn to: https://www.bustle.com/articles/182126-9-resources-for-sexual-assault-survivors-you-should-know-about
Please also remember that woman-on-woman sexual assault and sexual assault against men/masc-presenting people happens too and are too frequently mocked.
There's a good chance you know at least one masc who has been silently struggling for years.
There's a good chance you know at least one masc who has been silently struggling for years.
Please respect a survivor's space. If they open up to you, treasure the trust. Please don't pry. Do not downplay their trauma if it takes them years to confront. The road is long and complex. Supporting a survivor neither starts nor ends with jailing the abuser.
Finally, I'm going to once again link to this book which applies to anyone who has gone through an abusive relationship. It is not exclusive to sexual abusers, genders, or type of relation.
This book started my resurrection. https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656
This book started my resurrection. https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656
