Read on Twitter
Ok, so first off I want to apologize to several groups of people for several different things.
In my month off from main, I've done a lot of thinking and decided to reflect on how I want to use this website from now on.
In my month off from main, I've done a lot of thinking and decided to reflect on how I want to use this website from now on.
I want to apologize for not telling everyone about my deactivation. I am sure many of you were worried about my sudden disappearance if we did not talk on Facebook, Discord, my private account, etc.
I had to vacate more quickly than I would've liked.
I had to vacate more quickly than I would've liked.
Second, I feel as if my fiery rants about politics and fandom discourse have taken their toll on me and my relationships.
I feel that I have taken people's opinions too seriously and started arguments with people who weren't worth my time/jumped to conclusions.
I feel that I have taken people's opinions too seriously and started arguments with people who weren't worth my time/jumped to conclusions.
I'm not afraid to talk about things I'm passionate or concerned about. I'm not afraid to broach certain topics some people I know might find controversial.
But I am absolutely exhausted with assuming the worst of people and not being able to ignore bad takes.
But I am absolutely exhausted with assuming the worst of people and not being able to ignore bad takes.
And God knows, I've made plenty of those myself.
I have also had a bad habit of spamming people's mentions whenever they discussed something I was passionate about, or I replied to replies on their threads that had nothing to do with me.
I have also had a bad habit of spamming people's mentions whenever they discussed something I was passionate about, or I replied to replies on their threads that had nothing to do with me.
Even when I thought I was doing this less, I know I was still too pushy and expectant of people to adhere to my thoughts and feelings.
I'm certain that alienated people toward me. I don't really blame them, I was messed up back then.
I'm certain that alienated people toward me. I don't really blame them, I was messed up back then.
I still haven't learned the meaning of cooldown or ignoring the things I don't like. I still haven't been able to stop holding grudges against people who just don't matter.
I was causing as many problems as I was complaining about.
I was causing as many problems as I was complaining about.
I never took the advice of people who cared about me, I didn't appreciate what their feelings meant when I knew that my behavior on here upset them. They didn't even have to say it to me.
And goddamn did I spend WAY too much time on here as well.
And goddamn did I spend WAY too much time on here as well.
Every time I said I would take a break I didn't, or it was barely long enough to make a difference.
Only this past month is when I actually succeeded.
Things with my parents have also improved, or at least not blown up again. I will NEVER do what I did again.
Only this past month is when I actually succeeded.
Things with my parents have also improved, or at least not blown up again. I will NEVER do what I did again.
And if that means anything, I'd like to leave that incident in the past and start fresh again.
In writing this thread, I realize nobody has any obligation to forgive me or expect me to change.
In writing this thread, I realize nobody has any obligation to forgive me or expect me to change.
But now that I've actually had a chance to live without main for a full month, I think its still possible for me. At least, I'd like to try.
I am also finally on ADHD medication again, and searching for a new therapist. So things are improving in my life, even if slowly.
I am also finally on ADHD medication again, and searching for a new therapist. So things are improving in my life, even if slowly.
I need to be more patient and proactive, try to push myself to do things and not sit around staring at nothing or spending too much time on here.
Times are tough and I don't want to add to others stress or even my own.
Times are tough and I don't want to add to others stress or even my own.
