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There's this weird subgenre of people on the internet who don't want me to be human, as stated by their desire for me to only ever be happy, and it bothers me more than most types of comments/messages.
Personally, I think it's important to be honest with your feelings.
Personally, I think it's important to be honest with your feelings.
As for how much you want to share publicly, to each their own. For me, if I'm going to share my joy, I also think it fair to share my sadness. There's a very real problem with internet personalities who only ever show the good and never the bad.
It's tempting, though in the long run I don't think it's easier, to cultivate an image of pure positivity.
"Life is good, nothing ever goes wrong, and if it does: that's ok! I'm still feelin' GREAT!"
But this signals to people who are struggling that they are somehow lesser.
"Life is good, nothing ever goes wrong, and if it does: that's ok! I'm still feelin' GREAT!"
But this signals to people who are struggling that they are somehow lesser.
"If these people I follow never struggle, yet I struggle... then what's wrong with me?"
"If that person only hits high after high, and I can't get an inch above rock bottom, will I ever?"
"If that person only hits high after high, and I can't get an inch above rock bottom, will I ever?"
The irony is that I drew opposing ire from two different people in separate messages today.
One was upset that I was only showing the highest highs living my best life in Europe while the US burns to the ground. As if I'm unaware, or intentionally pouring gas on the fire.
One was upset that I was only showing the highest highs living my best life in Europe while the US burns to the ground. As if I'm unaware, or intentionally pouring gas on the fire.
The other bemoaned the fact that I'm sharing my struggles, literally asking "Where's the smile?" and pushing for more happy-go-lucky-in-Paris content.
Damned if I do... damned if I sing and skip through the Pantheon.
Damned if I do... damned if I sing and skip through the Pantheon.
I guess I'm sharing this because for one, I am very intensely aware of what's going on Stateside. Partially because you can't escape it no matter where in the world you land, and partially because I practically bathe in news and podcasts to stay as up to date as possible.
I've had to take a break from that, because it started to overwhelm me - I felt helpless and infuriated ALL THE TIME and there seemed like little to nothing I could do about it.
Also, for those who'd rather I feel happy, here's a bunny to balance things out.
Also, for those who'd rather I feel happy, here's a bunny to balance things out.
I'm just a dude. I'm heartbroken for the injustice being piled upon injustice in my homeland. For the generations of pain and poverty, genocide and slavery. I'm deeply saddened by my friends who are alone and struggling with autoimmune disorders, or who have lost their job.
I have friends all over the world who are facing lost businesses, jobs, relationships, and health. A lot of suffering which was completely preventable.
I'm concerned for my family. For my country. For humanity as a whole.
I'm concerned for my family. For my country. For humanity as a whole.
So I try to strike a balance in what I create. I don't have a political channel on YouTube, but that doesn't mean I won't encourage you to wear a mask. People come to me to escape the hellfires of 2020, but that doesn't mean I won't occasionally share how it's affecting me too.
If you want current events, there are literally thousands of sources where you can find that. If you want political fury, I have it, but that's not what I provide in what I make. And if you want me to be happy all the live long day, I'm not taking whatever drug you're pushing.
I always strive to live my values as openly as I can, and to share my worldview intrinsically though how I make my videos. My hope is to maintain an open door to conversation with people who might otherwise walk away if I were to approach things too directly (sci-fi author here)
Because for one, actual conversation, let alone debate, is nearly impossible on the internet at this point.
For two, I had a lot of people who very patiently walked with me through my own journey until I came to realizations I wouldn't have otherwise had on my own.
For two, I had a lot of people who very patiently walked with me through my own journey until I came to realizations I wouldn't have otherwise had on my own.
I realize I can't please everyone. Some people want me to talk only and always about what's going on right now, while others wish I would just turn into a webcam that showed Paris scenes and only Paris scenes 24/7 ("too much of your face" is a common refrain from this camp).
But I didn't set out to do either of those things when I started vlogging.
I set out to share my life as honestly as possible, to catch the highs as well as the lows, and to do whatever I could to bring a sense of hope to not just myself in the process, but also to anyone who gave me a moment of their time to watch.
And I'm lucky to have found a lot of people who are totally in for that. I'm very very lucky to have friends and family, viewers and Patrons who are all down with what I've been doing for the last few years and want it to continue. That in itself is delightfully bananas.
So I won't be constantly screaming in fury, or smiling all the time.
I certainly feel like screaming in fury (and do so in private often enough). And I'm fortunate to have lots of things to be grateful for that do make me smile.
I certainly feel like screaming in fury (and do so in private often enough). And I'm fortunate to have lots of things to be grateful for that do make me smile.
I hope you aren't in a place where you feel like you're swinging too far one way or the other either. Let's feel what we have to feel, identify those feelings, own them, and deal with them head on as we have the energy. There's no other way through this.
At least I don't think there's a healthier way through it.
Also, in case that got too heavy again, bunnies round two:
Also, in case that got too heavy again, bunnies round two:
Also one last thing - if you're struggling to identify and name how you're feeling, my dad shared a really helpful tool "Mood Meter" with me that can help you drill down and clarify exactly how you're feeling so you can better approach all this: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.reliablecoders.moodmeter
It's on the app store too:
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/the-mood-meter/id825930113
I hope that it helps. In any case, I hope you're doing ok today and know that it's alright if you aren't. We'll get through this.
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/the-mood-meter/id825930113
I hope that it helps. In any case, I hope you're doing ok today and know that it's alright if you aren't. We'll get through this.
