now that it is august, i finally realize i have language to talk about why i'm so upset all the time. it's because every single month of this year since march has been august

august is my least favorite month, always has been. not only does it feature sweltering heat that feels like hot syrup poured all over your body, but it also feels suspended between the high action of early summer and the back to school energy of fall...it's a total vaccuum

now THIS year, we never really got a high action summer, and we certainly are not getting a buzzy new pencils, fresh notebooks, new leather satchel school season. so now it is just perpetual august. forever. august forever is my worst nightmare.

there are some people who do great in august. they have beach houses and private planes and big brimmed hats and never ask the cost of a lobster. those people are doing fine during the pandemic too, i'd imagine. august for them is just another bonus month of leisure.

but i'm a person who stays in the city most augusts, because at least it is empty, and you could get a good seat at the movies. well, there are no movies. the city is empty, but eerily so. it just feels like every day is mentally humid???

also if you work as a writer, in august, a lot of your editors/colleagues are usually away or have vacation signatures on their email, so if you are working hard you kind of feel like the kid at summer camp who reads novels in the corner instead of playing capture the flag...

...and that's kind of how i feel now always?