Since you all love it when I over share, let me tell you about an incredibly embarrassing thing that happened to me that is also the funniest thing that’s happened to me. Gather round, it’s thread time: So I love to dance around my apartment because it’s stupid and fun. Well..

I used to live in this old flimsy place that was held together by duct tape and we had floorboards upstairs. One night during a vigorous dancing session to the Hedwig and the Angry Inch soundtrack, particularly the song “Wig in a box” I let loose, just wild. Lots of feet shuffles

And then the knocks started at the door BANG BANG BANG I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE COME OUT. I thought I’d ignore them and if I stay still I would disappear. Anyway that’s not what happened. The knocks kept coming so I opened the door and this poor lady was standing there irate

And she asked me what the hell I was doing because her whole apartment downstairs was shaking and the glasses on her shelf had started just rattling so much that they actually flew off the shelf and smashed.

This is bad enough but it turns out she collected ANTIQUE CHAMPAGNE GLASSES that were now smashed on the floor. I apologised profusely and told her that I was in fact, a dancer/choreographer and was preparing for my next show. Hint: I was definitely not and am not and never have

So she goes downstairs and I just feel awful but I also can’t stop laughing. So I decided I would bake her some caneles. They’re a small French pastry flavored with rum and vanilla with a soft and tender milk custard center and a dark, thick caramelized crust. My speciality.

Anyway, I turn up downstairs with a mountain of baked MILK custard desserts and she opens the door with a tee shirt that says DAIRY IS EVIL YOU ARE NOT LACTOSE INTOLERANT YOU ARE JUST NOT A BABY COW. So I have never wanted to disappear so quickly.

I shoved them in her hand and went upstairs and I deliberately avoided her for the rest of my life. The end.